Tips to Prepare for Your Christian Wedding Night

engagement Jun 07, 2024
Christian wedding night tips

The big day is almost here! If you’re engaged, you’ve probably spent months planning a wedding.

And if you’re a Christian who is waiting to have sex until marriage, you may be counting down the days until you get to have sex for the first time as husband and wife.

But how should you prepare for your Christian wedding night?

How can you ensure your first time together as husband and wife is everything you’ve been dreaming about?

When I was engaged, I envisioned my new husband getting me out of my wedding dress as fast as he could.

But as my wedding night approached, I realized there were SO MANY DETAILS I hadn’t thought of to help ensure we have an amazing first time as husband and wife.

In this blog post, we’ll discuss wedding night tips & how to prepare for your Christian wedding night, including:

  • How to plan ahead, and the 5 questions you need to discuss with your future spouse before your wedding night
  • How to set the mood for your first time
  • How to fuel up & freshen up on your wedding night
  • Christian wedding night advice - my top 4 sex tips for your first time as husband and wife
  • A packing list for your wedding night




Note: This blog post may include affiliate links, where I earn a small commission if you purchase an item. I only recommend items that have helped me in my own marriage, and affiliate links help me fund this blog & ministry, so thanks for shopping these links if you were planning on purchasing anyway :)


Wedding night tip #1: Have a Plan for your Christian wedding night

Before we talk about sex, let’s discuss the questions you and your fiancé need to discuss well before your wedding night.

You may be tired of planning a wedding, but the questions below will help you plan an amazing wedding night.


Where will you stay on your wedding night?

Your first time together as husband and wife will be a night you won’t forget.

Where do you envision spending your wedding night after your wedding & reception?

Maybe there’s a hotel close by, or maybe you have an early flight the next morning to jet off to your honeymoon.

Discuss where you want to sleep (and have sex) on your wedding night, and book well in advance.

If you’re staying in a hotel or resort, ask them if they have any honeymoon suites available.


What time will you leave your reception?

You can’t wait to have sex with your future spouse, and I don’t blame you.

As you plan for your big day, make sure you plan your exit, or farewell time of departure from your reception.

Some bride and grooms may want to party all night long, or hang out with their guests at the reception, but your wedding day will be a long day.

And you will get tired.

Don’t feel bad for planning an early exit so you can enjoy your wedding night with your new husband.

And if you’re waiting until marriage to have sex together for the first time, your guests will encourage you to leave early and get it on.

If you have a wedding planner or day-of-coordinator, they should schedule an estimated exit or farewell time of departure.

A scheduled exit also allows you to have a formal send-off with your guests.

For example, some couples get sparklers or confetti, where their guests line up in two lines and cheer them off.

At my wedding, our exit was scheduled for 9 pm.

It seemed early at the time, but on the big day, we were ready to start enjoying our wedding night.

As you plan your exit from your reception, also discuss who will drive you to your destination.

Even if you don’t plan on drinking, ask a family member or member of the bridal party to give you a lift.

You won’t have to worry about driving, and you’ll get to relax with your spouse.



How much alcohol will you drink?

Weddings are a time of celebration, and you should celebrate on your wedding day.

But as you plan for the bar you’ll have at your reception, discuss how much alcohol you and your future spouse want to consume.

The more alcohol you drink, the more it will impact your wedding night.

And alcohol can impact how aroused you can get, and sexual performance.

Since my husband and I waited until our wedding night to have sex with each other for the first time, we didn’t want to be drunk for our first time together.

We aren’t big drinkers, and planned that we would only have a few drinks throughout our wedding reception.

I know it’s tempting to overdrink and celebrate during your reception, but think about how intoxicated you want to be for your first time together.


Will you need birth control on your wedding night?

When it comes to birth control, you have several options.

I am no doctor, and this is not considered medical advice, but I highly encourage you to discuss and research your options for birth control BEFORE you get married.

If you don’t want to have kids right away, don’t expect to just figure things out after you get married.

Failure to plan ahead may result in a “honeymoon baby”, where you conceive a baby on your wedding night or during your honeymoon.

When I was engaged, I had never been on the pill, so I researched natural birth control options.

For any woman who is looking for natural birth control options, I highly recommend the book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler.

This book taught me information about my body and menstrual cycle that I should have learned during puberty.

I finally understood when a woman can get pregnant during a cycle (and how it can be different for every woman), and I learned how to identify when my own body was fertile.

Since I did the research and learned to track my body’s menstrual cycle, I knew when I would be fertile before I got married.

On our wedding day, I knew I was fertile, so my husband and I chose to wear a condom on our wedding night.

I know wearing a condom on your wedding night may sound crazy to some couples, but my husband and I both agreed we did not want to risk getting pregnant right away.

We would have rather wore a condom on our wedding night, then risk having a honeymoon baby.

Again, I am not a doctor, and cannot tell you which birth control option is right for you.

But I highly encourage you to research natural birth control options and to discuss with your future spouse BEFORE your wedding night.

I was never on the pill, but I have several friends who have had long-term health effects from being on the pill.

And if you’re wondering if natural birth control actually works, the answer is yes.

My husband and I followed the tracking method for two years, and we didn’t get pregnant.

When we were ready to have a baby, I knew when I was fertile, and we got pregnant our first month trying.

Ladies, regardless of the birth control option you choose, understanding when you’re fertile and when you ovulate will help you know what is going on with your body.

And when you’re ready to make babies, you’ll already know when your body is fertile.


Is it your first time? Are you a virgin?

If you haven’t told your future spouse you’re a virgin, now is the time.

You may be nervous about your wedding night, and you should feel comfortable admitting to your fiancé that you’re a virgin.

Or maybe you’re not a virgin, and you’re afraid to admit you had sex before.

I don’t recommend talking about all the sexual partners you’ve had in the past, but it’s important to discuss if you’ve had sex before.

If your wedding night will be your first time having sex, sex may be hurt a little.

Talk about it before your wedding night so there's no surprises.


Wedding night tip #2 – Set the Mood

You’ve been planning the decorations for your wedding, but what about your wedding night?

Ask a bridesmaid to help decorate the room for your wedding night so you can set the mood with your husband.

You could put some candles and rose petals around the bed.

Maybe you want some extra flowers around the room.

Bring a speaker and have music playing.

Have champagne chilled next to the bed if you want.

And don’t forget the lingerie!

What do you want to wear on your wedding night?

Do you envision yourself wearing a sexy white piece of lingerie?

Pick out lingerie and a satin robe you and your husband can enjoy on your wedding night to make the night extra special.

If you have access to the room before your wedding night, pray over your first time with your husband.

My bridesmaids and I got ready in my hotel suite where my husband and I would stay on our wedding night.

And they helped me decorate it and we prayed over the bed as we got ready.

Some couples pray together before having sex for the first time once they get to the room.

If you’re feeling nervous about your wedding night, don’t underestimate the power of prayer!


Wedding night tip #3 – Fuel Up

Have you heard that a lot of couples forget to eat at their wedding?

You may be too excited to eat, or you may be too busy talking to all the guests at the wedding to worry about food.

But your wedding day—and wedding night—will be a long day.

Even if you eat during your wedding reception, you’ll want to have some food or snacks in the room for your wedding night in case you and your husband get hungry.

Depending on where you live, you may not be able to get food delivered that late after your wedding reception.

Have a bridesmaid box up some of the food from your wedding to take with you.

Or have some snacks on hand you both will enjoy after you get it on.

You could always bring some of your wedding cake with you to enjoy with your husband in bed.

Also consider which drinks you may want for your wedding night.

Do you want wine or champagne?

Do you need a caffeine fix to stay awake after the long day?

And bring lots and lots of water to stay hydrated!


Wedding night tip #4 – Freshen up

Are you envisioning getting it on with your hubby as soon as you make it to your room after the wedding reception?

I expected my husband to get me out of my wedding dress as fast as he could after our wedding.

But as I talked to my married friends about their own wedding night, they helped me realize I may want to freshen up first.

And they were right.

Your wedding day is a long day, and especially if you danced a lot at your reception, you may want to shower before your first time with your husband.

Plan to shower or rinse off when you get to the room.

Slip into lingerie, or fix your hair if you need to (my hair had fallen out a lot from getting sweaty on the dance floor).

This is the first time your husband will see you naked, so take the time to freshen up before you have sex.



Christian wedding night advice - my top 4 sex tips for your first time

As you prepare for your Christian wedding night, it’s important to identify any expectations you have about sex and be prepared.

Having sex is a given on your wedding night, but how can you make sure your first time together is everything you are imagining?

If you’re waiting until marriage to have sex, you may not be trying to think about sex right now.

But I encourage you to discuss these sex tips below with a married friend or godly mentor.

I want your first time with your husband to be special and amazing, not awkward or disappointing.

There is no shame in discussing sex with women you trust to be prepared.

God created sex to be a beautiful expression of love between a husband and wife in marriage, and it can be healthy to discuss what to expect so you can be prepared.


Go slow and take your time

If you’re waiting until your wedding night to have sex, you may be envisioning ripping each other’s clothes off and getting to the good part.

But foreplay is important for all married couples, especially newlyweds!

Foreplay, where you engage in physical touch or stimulation before intercourse, can help you get more turned on for sex.

If you are nervous about your first time together, foreplay will help you feel at ease and more relaxed.

Have you ever heard the expression, men are like microwaves, and women are like Crock-Pots?

Food cooked in a Crock-Pot takes longer to heat up, while food cooked in a microwave heats up right away.

When it comes to sex, women take longer to get turned on and aroused compared to men.

This is why foreplay is so important.

Foreplay can help you both get more turned on, so you enjoy having sex more.

For all the men reading this, please do not skip the foreplay!

Even if you don’t need it, foreplay will help your wife get more aroused and enjoy the overall sexual experience.


Use a lubricant (aka lube)

Lube is a must have on your wedding night!

Lube helps make sure you have a more enjoyable experience, and can help prevent pain or injuries.

For some reason, I’ve heard many guys (even married guys) say they don’t lube, as if lube is something to be embarrassed about.

The guys who don’t think lube is important think they can get their wife turned on enough, where they won’t need extra lubrication.

I don’t care how many times you’ve had sex in the past, lube is still so important for your overall sexual satisfaction.

There is no shame in using lube.

I highly recommend using it on your wedding night to ensure you have a more enjoyable experience.

If you don’t use lube, the woman’s genitals can start to swell or even hurt.

And if you plan on having sex multiple times on your wedding night or in the morning, it may be too painful to have sex again if the woman is swollen.


Don’t be afraid to try oral sex

Oral sex is a form of sex, and is a great form of foreplay to enjoy before having intercourse.

Oral sex is where you use your mouth to stimulate your spouse’s genitals.

And when it comes to oral sex, Christians don’t need to be shy about it.

If you’ve read the book Song of Solomon in the Bible, you’ll notice the writer makes several analogies to oral sex.

Some Christians think oral sex is dirty or wrong in the bedroom.

And since culture and porn have distorted what sex looks like, you may think oral sex is degrading or abusive to women.

As you prepare for your wedding night, think about how you feel about oral sex.

Are you comfortable with trying it?

When it comes to oral sex or any position in the bedroom, both you and your spouse need to be comfortable with it.

If one of you isn’t comfortable with it, then it should be off limits until you both are on the same page.

If you want to learn more about oral sex for married couples, check out these podcast episodes about oral sex by One Extraordinary Marriage.

Warning: If you’re waiting until marriage to have sex, the content discussed may be too much before you get married. Listen in a public place, and turn it off if you get too turned on thinking about sex.


Don’t get upset if you don’t have an orgasm

Since we’re talking about sex, we need to talk about “the big O”. The orgasm. The climax.

I don’t recommend talking too much about orgasms with your fiancé before your wedding night.

But it’s important to make sure you have realistic sexpectations, or expectations about sex, for your first time together.

I’ve read several Christian books on sex for married couples, and most couples agree…

It takes women longer to have an orgasm than men.

And it can take time for you and your husband to figure out what makes you orgasm in the bedroom.

Sex doesn’t always happen like it does in the movies. It’s not steamy every time, and it takes much longer to have an orgasm in real life.

According to the ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show podcast, on average, it takes about fifteen to twenty minutes of constant stimulation for a woman to orgasm, and only five to seven minutes for a man.

And if a guy hasn’t ejaculated in a while, he may not even need five minutes to orgasm. He may orgasm only after a few minutes.

As you prepare for your Christian wedding night, pray for amazing sex and passion with your husband.

But don’t get upset if you don’t orgasm on your wedding night.

Most women probably don’t orgasm their first time—or even on their honeymoon—with their new husband.

Some women may be able to communicate what they need during sex to reach climax.

But if you’re a virgin or haven’t had an orgasm before, you may not know what your body needs to orgasm.

And that’s okay.

The first few months of marriage will be like an experiment to discover what you and your husband like in the bedroom.

I pray you and your husband have an amazing first time together, but I wanted to let you know that orgasms can take time and practice with your new spouse.

If you want to learn more about how to have an orgasm, I recommend reading Sheet Music by Kevin Leman, which is a Christian book about sex.

My husband and I read this book on our honeymoon, and it helped us feel comfortable talking about what we liked—and didn’t like—in the bedroom.

I also recommend listening to the ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show podcast, which has several podcast episodes about how to orgasm.



Packing list for Christian wedding night

As you prepare for your wedding day, you’re probably making sure you have the last-minute details ready for your wedding & reception.

You have your wedding dress and accessories ready, and maybe you’ve already packed for your honeymoon, but have you packed for your wedding night yet?

No need to stress.

Below is a recommend packing list to make sure you don’t forget anything special for your first time as husband and wife.

Christian Wedding Night Packing List for the Bride

  • Condoms, if needed
  • Lube
  • Snacks
  • Water
  • Massage oil
  • Clothing and outfits
    • Lingerie
    • A sexy bride robe
    • Any lingerie or pajamas you want to sleep in after you have sex (because sometimes lingerie is not comfortable to sleep in)
    • Your outfit for the next morning
    • A comfortable & cute pair of shoes
    • Sexy underwear
  • Ambiance/decorations
    • Speaker for music
    • Candles
    • Lighter
    • Rose petals (I bought fake ones from Michael’s)

Don't be shy to ask your bridesmaids for some of these items as you celebrate your Christian bachelorette party!


There you have it, my top wedding night tips and Christian wedding night advice so you can have an amazing wedding night with your husband.

I pray your wedding night is a night you'll never forget as you enjoy sex as husband and wife.


If you want more tips on how to talk about sex in marriage, including how to draw closer to God as a couple, my devotional for engaged couples comes out 6/25/24. 

Learn more about the devotional, and join the launch team for access to live zoom classes to prepare for marriage.



With Love,

Erin Elise Kiu