Ready to Become a Mom? 6 Questions to Determine if You're Ready to Have Kids

Wondering if you’re ready to have kids? How I knew I was ready to become a mom

Growing up, did you ever have an ideal age you wanted to get married and have your first baby?

I remember talking about the “ideal age” with my friends back in high school.

We would graduate from college, work a few years, and earn money first.

Then we would settle down and have babies.

Most of my friends agreed that we would be married by twenty-six and have our first baby by twenty-eight.

Now looking back, I smile and shake my head at how innocent, niave, and SO SO wrong I was.

How could I predict or dictate God’s plans and timing for my life?

Neither of my marriage or baby-making goals happened in my 20s.

And while it was hard turning 30 without those life accomplishments, I’m so grateful for it now.

God showed me I wasn’t ready for a husband or a baby in my 20s.

(Thank God I didn’t marry or get pregnant with the guys I thought were the one before I met my husband!)

But even after I got married and approached my mid-30s, I still didn’t feel ready to have kids.

Was something wrong with me?

Why didn’t I want to have kids right away like all the other Christian moms on Instagram?

Deciding when or if you’re ready to become a mom is such a personal decision, but I wanted to share the questions and fears I wrestled with.

And yes, I said fear.

Sometimes I feel guilty admitting I was afraid to have kids when so many women around me couldn’t wait to get pregnant.

My biggest fear was how a baby would change my life.

What would happen to my career and ministry?

Would I still have time to write?

What would happen to my body?

Would I still have time to do other things I enjoyed, like going to the beach or hiking whenever I wanted?

Before my husband and I got married, we had already talked about how we would manage childcare and work.

I would stay home when we had a baby and my husband would continue working full-time.

Most of our income came from my husband’s job and I already worked from home as a writer so that arrangement made the most sense for us.

I wanted to stay home and raise my future children, but my doubts and fears about how my life would change felt very real.

What would happen to my life when we had a baby?

When we got married, my husband and I said we wanted to wait 1-2 years to have a baby.

But after one year of marriage, I still didn’t feel ready.

There were so many things in my work and writing I wanted to accomplish.

And there were so many ideas on my heart to share with the world.

So my husband and I kept saying we weren’t ready for kids until our 2-year anniversary approached.

At the time, I was also thirty-three, and didn’t feel like I had much more time to push off having kids (especially if we wanted to have more than two).

Neither of us felt 100% ready to have kids, so we turned to the One who was in control.

We started to seriously pray.

We surrendered our timing and plans for babies to God, and asked God to show us when it was time to start a family.

We prayed God would give us the desire to have a baby when it was time, and that we would both agree it was time to start a family.

I don’t know why God answers some prayers faster than others, but God moved in my husband’s heart quicker than I had expected.

After a few weeks, my husband became more excited to have a baby.

“I think it’s time.” He had this gushing smile on his face whenever the topic of babies came up.

But his excitement over our future children only caused me to have more fear.

I still wasn’t ready.

I wasn’t ready to give up my life, hopes, and dreams.

So I continued to pray.

I surrendered my fears and doubts about having babies to God.

And I asked God to show me when it was time to become a mom.

A few weeks after my two-year wedding anniversary, God finally spoke to me.

I was at my church’s women conference, and a pastor shared how she struggled to want a third baby after having a miscarriage.

The pastor had told God she was happy with two kids, but God kept telling her he had a third for her.

She was still grappling with the grief and disappointment from her miscarriage, and not believing for a third baby seemed easier than getting her hopes up again.

But God.

The pastor got pregnant and delivered her third healthy baby.

She realized she was so focused on whether she was ready to have a baby, and how a third baby would impact her family.

But God revealed having a baby wasn’t just about her or her family.

Having a baby was about what God wanted to do through this child’s life, including the people who would be impacted.

And that’s when the Holy Spirit spoke to me.

Having a baby wasn’t just about me.

It was about how God wanted to use my son or daughter’s life for his glory, and all the people who would be influenced to know Jesus.

I started to cry these Holy-Spirit tears of joy, you know the kind of crying when you feel God’s presence and know He is speaking to you.

And at the same time, I saw babies ALL around me.

Several women brought their babies to conference with them, and it was like all the newborns were staring right at me.

After the speaker’s message, I wiped my tears and shuffled out of the auditorium back to my vendor table.

I was a vendor at the conference and had a table set up selling my books and scripture cards for single ladies.

My first two books, One Transforming Love and Trusting God with Your Love Story, were displayed on the table.

And God spoke to me again.

“Each book already represents a dream fulfilled. It’s time for a new dream. The dream of family.”

And more Holy-Spirit-tears of joy fell down my face.

There was no questioning that it was time to start a family.

I still didn’t feel 100% ready, but God was.

And if God said it was time, I had to trust that His plans and timing were perfect.

Thanks to the grace of God, my husband and I conceived our son only a few weeks later.

Did my fear come true? What happened to my life as a mom?

As I write this, my son is 21 months old napping in his crib.

And I can see how his birth, and his presence in our life, came at the perfect time.

Did all my doubts and fears about having kids go away when my son was born?

To be honest, no.

I’m fortunate enough to be a full-time stay at home mom, but some days I still wonder what will happen to my hopes and dreams.

And I still doubt how I’ll be able to manage more children in the future.

My husband and I don’t have family in San Diego, so some days raising a baby feels SO HARD.

And due to personal reasons, daycare isn’t an option for us right now.

Since we don’t have a lot of childcare support, I don’t have as much time to write or pursue other dreams in this season as a stay-at-home mom.

But my husband and I are able to make some time for me to write.

I had a babysitter come a few mornings during the week, and I made myself get up at 4:30 am some days so I could write before my son got up.

And thanks to the grace of God, I was able to write and publish a new devotional for engaged couples, Engaged with Expectations, when my son was a baby.

Some pessimistic people say that “your life is over when you have kids.”

But we know that every child is a blessing and a gift from God (Psalm 127:3).

Your life doesn’t end when you have kids.

But it will look different.

Depending on how much (if any) childcare you have when you have a baby, you may have significantly less time to work or pursue your dreams.

I don’t always have time or energy to pursue the things I did before I had kids.

And it’s hard to focus on writing a book with a baby who constantly wants to be held, or naps shorter than expected.

But my life has fresh purpose.

Motherhood is a ministry, and raising my son in this season is more important than any other work I could be doing.

In Matthew 16:25, Jesus says, “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”

I was afraid to give up my freedom to become a mom, but Jesus has given me new life and meaning.

It doesn’t always feel like my work matters when I’m changing diapers, meal-prepping, or cleaning the highchair multiple times a day, but this baby-raising work matters to God.

And this season as a new mom is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I still feel called to write and encourage women through the Fun & Holy blog and ministry, but my family comes first.

Becoming a mom and growing a family has become a new dream fulfilled.

And I trust that if God puts other dreams on my heart to write or work, that He will show me how to make it happen while being there for my family.

6 Practical Questions to Help You Determine if You’re Ready to Have Kids

Now that you know my story, I thought it would be helpful to share some practical factors and questions to consider to help you and your husband decide if you’re ready to start a family.

1) Does God think you’re ready to have kids?

Pray and ask God when it’s time to become a mom.

God knits every baby together in the mother’s womb, and has your future kid(s) birthdays already written in his book (Psalm 139:13-16).

Since God already knows if and when your children will be born, ask Him.

God says He wants to guide you and direct your steps.

And raising children to know Jesus and to walk in God’s ways is one of God’s greatest callings for His people.

Pray and ask God to show you when it’s time to start a family.

Ask God to give both you and your husband the desire to have a baby when it’s time.

Ask God to guide you with His peace, and to confirm when it’s time to start a family.

And if you get pregnant, well you have your answer 😊

2) Are both you and your husband are ready to have kids?

Unity in marriage is so important, especially when it comes to a life changing decision like having a baby.

Pray and ask God to give both you and your husband the desire to have a baby when it’s time.

If one of you hears from God, or one person doesn’t have the desire, ask God to reveal anything holding you back.

Maybe there are fears that need to be dealt with like I had.

Or maybe there’s trauma from childhood that God wants to heal first.

Even if you plan to be a stay at home mom, raising kids involves both spouses and both you and your husband need to have peace about it.

3) Can you afford to have kids?

Babies are cute, but they can also be expensive.

I think we spent at least $10,000 on the birth alone and we even have medical insurance!

Even though you can buy a lot of baby gear and clothes used at a discounted price, you’ll have extra expenses each month when you have kids.

Food, diapers, toys, clothes, childcare – it all adds up.

Before having kids, discuss your finances with your spouse and determine if you are ready financially to have children.

Do you have extra cash each month to cover the additional expenses that come up with a baby?

Would your housing costs increase if you have to move to a bigger place?

What expenses does your medical insurance cover if you were to get pregnant and give birth?

Do you need to pay for childcare if you plan to go back to work?

Discuss with your husband whether you both need to work, or if one of you can stay at home with the baby.

Not everyone has family nearby to help with childcare, and some families pay a few thousand dollars a month for daycare.

God promises to provide our every need when we seek Him (Matthew 6:33), so pray and ask God for the provision and finances to start a family and trust that He will give you wisdom to afford your future family.

4) How strong is your marriage?

The foundation for a healthy family is a strong marriage.

If you and your spouse aren’t doing so well right now, having a baby is only going to cause more strain on your marriage.

Having kids is a lot of work and requires two parents working together.

If you don’t feel connected to your spouse now before you have kids, having a baby isn’t going to fix that.

And if there are any issues or problems that need to be dealt with in your marriage, it will be a lot easier to work on them now before bringing a baby into the mix.

Find a mentor at church you can talk to, or don’t be afraid to reach out to a Christian therapist or counselor.

Investing in your marriage and connecting with your spouse is one of the greatest things you can do before having kids.

Especially if you’re newly married!

Building emotional intimacy and establishing a strong marriage doesn’t happen overnight after the honeymoon.

That’s why some married couples plan to wait a few years to have kids so they can focus on their marriage.

If you’re engaged or newly married, I recommend reading Engaged with Expectations, A Devotional for Engaged Couples.

This devotional will teach you how to communicate your expectations of marriage in 10 different areas (so you can have less conflict & more honeymoon bliss your first few years of marriage).

If you’ve been married for a few years, I recommend reading The 6 Pillars of Intimacy: The Secret to an Extraordinary Marriage to help you and your spouse strengthen your intimacy in 6 different areas of your marriage (including emotional, recreational, spiritual, financial, sexual and physical).

Note: This blog post includes affiliates link where I may earn a small commissio if you purchase a book at one of the links above. If you plan on purchasing the book anyway, thanks for helping support this blog & ministry :)

5) Is there anything you want to do before having kids?

You may always have hopes and dreams to pursue, and dreams won’t go away when you become a mom, but is there anything you really want to accomplish or do before having kids?

Maybe you have a promotion or milestone at work you’re pursuing.

Or maybe you want to finally pursue that dream God has put on your heart…

… like writing a book, starting a business, or going on a mission trip.

Or maybe you want to travel the world with your new husband before having a family.

Traveling was one of my goals my first few years of marriage.

I waited so long to get married that I wanted to enjoy traveling to romantic resorts with my husband.

And now that we have a baby, I highly recommend going to all the adults-only, all-inclusive resorts you can before having kids!

You CAN still pursue your dreams and goals after you have kids, but you’ll have more time and energy to devote to your dreams before having a baby.

So if you’ve been debating the best time to step out in faith to pursue your dreams, NOW is the time 😊

6) Are you willing to sacrifice your body and time to have a baby?

When you get pregnant, you sacrifice your body to carry and nurture life inside your womb.

When you give birth, you sacrifice your body through the pains of labor.

And after the baby is born, you may continue sacrificing your body as you breastfeed and wake up throughout the night to feed and comfort your newborn.

Even if you have childcare, you’ll still sacrifice time and energy to care for your little bundle of joy.

Motherhood is a sacrifice.

You’ll sacrifice your body, time, and needs to care for your baby.

It reminds me of Jesus as the Good Shepherd when He says in John 10:11 that He “lays down his life for the sheep.”

As a mom, you’ll lay down your life for your baby.

You may still be able to work and pursue other desires, but caring for your baby will be your main focus for a season.

If now isn’t a good time to surrender your body, time, and dreams to pursue other things, then maybe it’s not the best time to have a baby.

But if God has called you to become a mom, you can trust Him with your dreams and desires.

Trust that God will give you HIS desires for your life, and will send you people to help fulfill those desires on your heart <3

If you are seeking God and want His plans for your life, trust that God will confirm when you’re ready to have kids.

And if you don’t feel completely ready, that’s okay.

You may never feel 100% ready to become a mom.

But if God has confirmed it’s time or if you get pregnant, you can trust that God has a plan, and that His plans and timing are good <3

With Love,

Erin Kiu