I Had Sex Before Marriage, Will God Forgive Me?Apr 08, 2022
If you’ve already had sex and you aren’t married, you may be wondering, if I had sex before marriage, will God forgive me?
Maybe you had planned to stay a virgin until your wedding night, but then things got out of hand one night with that guy.
Or maybe saving sex until marriage was never your plan, but after seeking God’s will for your life, you realized that waiting until marriage to have sex actually is a big deal.
But does God forgive sexual sin?
And if I already had sex before marriage, does it matter if I stop?
If you’ve already had sex before marriage and are wondering what to do next, you’re in the right place.
When I first gave my life to Christ, I had the same questions about sex before marriage.
I had already had sex many times before because I wasn’t walking with God, and a part of me wondered, did it even matter if I stopped having sex?
And would God hold my sexual past against me even if I did stop?
In this blog post, we will talk about what to do if you’ve already had sex before marriage, including:
- How to receive God’s forgiveness after having sex before marriage
- Why it’s important to stop having sex if you’ve already had sex
- How to stop having sex before marriage
- Other FAQs about Christians having sex before marriage, including can Christians have sex before marriage?
I Had Sex Before Marriage, Will God Forgive Me?
If you are wondering, ‘does God forgive sex before marriage?’, you’re probably aware that having sex before marriage was not God’s design for sex, and that sex outside of marriage is a sin.
But if you’ve already had sex, will God forgive you? Does God forgive sexual sin?
Short answer: Yes.
If you already had sex before marriage, God will forgive you.
God promises to forgive all our sins, including sex before marriage
If you grew up in a religious church environment where they taught you that you would go to hell if you had sex before marriage, this is not the case.
In the Bible, God tells us that he forgives ALL our sins, which includes having sex before marriage.
“He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.” - Psalm 103:3 NLT
And to receive this forgiveness, we have to confess our sins to God and accept that Jesus already paid the penalty for our sins.
“If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” - 1 John 1:8-9 NLT
Sometimes the hardest part to receiving forgiveness is asking for it.
But if you’ve had sex before marriage and you are drowning in shame and guilt, confessing your sins to God and asking for his forgiveness is the first step.
No sin is too big for God to forgive, including sexual sin
Since God forgives ALL our sins, this means that no sin is too big or too large for God to forgive, including sexual sin.
“He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.” – Psalm 103:10-12 NLT
God is a loving God and he does not punish us for our sins like we deserve.
He sent Jesus to pay the price for our sins so we wouldn’t have to.
God does not remember our sins, or hold our sins against us
After you’ve confessed your sins to God and accepted his forgiveness, the Bible tells us that God does not remember our sins anymore—he does not hold our past against us.
“And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.” - Hebrews 8:12 NLT
“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.” - Isaiah 1:18 NLT
No matter what type of sexual past you’ve had, God will not hold this against you.
Yes, sometimes we have to face the consequences of our sin and poor choices, but God does not hold your past sexual sin against you for the rest of your life.
God redeems and restores us from our sins
Not only does God forgive us for having sex before marriage, but he also redeems and restores what the Enemy has stolen from us.
Have you experienced heartbreak and pain from ungodly soul ties from having sex outside of marriage?
Even though that was not God’s plan for us to experience, God can still redeem and restore our past, and he can work all things for good.
“In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” – Jeremiah 29:12-14 NLT
“God, your God, will restore everything you lost; he'll have compassion on you; he'll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered…” - Deuteronomy 30:3-5 MSG
So if you were wondering ‘does God forgive sex before marriage’, remember that:
- God forgives all our sins, including sexual sin
- No sin is too big for God to forgive
- God does not remember our sins, or hold our sins against us
- God redeems and restores us from our sins
Examples where God forgives sexual sin in the Bible
If you’re still wondering whether God can forgive you for having sex before marriage, these examples in the Bible show that God can forgive sexual sin.
David had an affair & committed adultery
In 2 Samuel 11, King David had an affair with Bathsheba, who was a married woman.
Bathsheba got pregnant, and David had her husband killed to try and cover up their sin, but God knew what he was trying to do.
In the end, King David faced the consequences of his sin (their baby that was conceived in the affair died) but God still forgave him for his sins.
Do you think there was ever a moment where David questioned, will God forgive me? Will God forgive my sexual sin and forgive me for killing someone else’s husband?
We see David confess his sin and pour out his heart to God in Psalm 51.
"Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin." – Psalm 51:1-2 NLT
We see in Psalm 51, that David had a close relationship with God.
David knew God would forgive him, and his sin brought him to God for forgiveness and repentance.
If you are struggling with guilt from your past, pray these Bible verses for guilt.
Rahab was a prostitute
In Joshua 2, Rahab was a prostitute who grew up in Jericho. She chose to put her trust in God and acted in faith when she hid the Israelites spies.
God not only saved Rahab and her family from destruction, but God blessed Rahab with a husband and chose her to give birth to Boaz who would become part of the lineage of Christ.
Rahab’s sexual past did not prevent her from experiencing the life and blessings that God had for her.
Just like God forgave Rahab, he will forgive you for your sexual past as well.
The Samaritan woman had five husbands
In John 4, Jesus meets a Samaritan woman at the well.
Jesus knew that this woman had 5 husbands and was living with someone who was not her husband.
But instead of condemning her for having 5 husbands and living with a man who is not her husband, Jesus reassures her that she is forgiven.
If you are living with your boyfriend, learn more about whether Christians should live together before marriage.
I Had Sex Before Marriage, How to Receive God’s Forgiveness
Now that you know that God will forgive you for having sex before marriage, it’s time to pray and accept God’s forgiveness.
Pray the prayer below to confess your sin and to receive God’s forgiveness.
Prayer to accept God’s forgiveness from sexual sin
God, I confess that I have sinned and that having sex before marriage was wrong. I want to obey your ways Lord, and I want to honor you with my body.
I repent from my sexual sin, and I ask for your forgiveness.
Thank you for forgiving me and for not holding my sins against me.
Give me the strength to wait until marriage to have sex.
I believe that I have been forgiven, and I no longer have to carry any shame or guilt from my sin. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I Had Sex Before Marriage, Forgiving Yourself
After you’ve accepted God’s forgiveness, it’s time to forgive yourself if you haven’t already.
God has already forgiven you, and he does not want us to feel shame for our sins.
But sometimes the hardest part about walking in forgiveness from our sins is forgiving ourselves.
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” - Matthew 6:14-15 NLT
The Devil will try and make you feel bad about your sin, but God does not want us to feel shame or think that something is wrong with us.
If you are struggling with shame or guilt from sexual sin, learn more about how to let go of shame so you can walk in the freedom and forgiveness that Jesus already gave you.
If I Had Sex Before Marriage, Does It Matter If I Stop?
If you already had sex, and you’re wondering whether it’s a big deal if you stop, or if God will continue to forgive you if you continue to have sex before marriage, this is for you.
To be honest, when I first realized that sex before marriage was a sin, I didn’t want to stop.
I wanted to live for God and to discover the plans that he had for me, but I didn’t want to give up sex before marriage.
I thought it sounded crazy—none of my friends were waiting until marriage to have sex—and I was worried that I wouldn’t find a guy who would want to date me if he knew I was waiting until marriage.
So if you’ve already had sex before marriage, does it matter if you stop?
Short answer: Yes, it does matter.
The sexual immoral will not inherit the Kingdom of God
God is pretty clear that it does matter if we continue having sex before marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 6, God tells us that those that regularly practice in sexual sin will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV
So if you think having sex before marriage isn’t a big deal, think again.
This is basically warning us that you will not go to heaven if you continue to engage in sexual sin.
But what if you’re trying not to have sex, and you slip up? Will God still forgive you?
The key in this scripture is practice.
If you genuinely want to stop having sex before marriage and you've repented but you keep stumbling, this is not the same as continuing to practice in sin.
But God does warn us that we will perish if we don’t repent, or if we don’t turn from our sin.
“No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish as well.” – Luke 13:5 CSB
In Proverbs 24, the Bible talks about how we may stumble as believers.
“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.” – Proverbs 24:16 NLT
So if you are stumbling and are taking the steps to repent and turn from sexual sin, God will forgive you.
But if you do not repent and continue to engage in sexual sin or sex before marriage, you will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
Having sex before marriage opens a door for the Enemy to control this area of your life
Any time Christians engage in sin, it opens up a door for the Enemy or the Devil to control this area of your life.
When I was debating whether I wanted to stop having sex before marriage to God, I thought it would be okay if I gave God all the other areas of my life, but still did things my way when it came to sex before marriage.
But living with God doesn’t work this way.
God wants 100% of your life, not just the parts that are convenient for you to give up.
He doesn’t even want 95 or 99% of your life.
For every part of your life that you are refusing to surrender to God, including sex before marriage, you are essentially giving the Devil permission to control that area of your life.
When I didn’t want to stop having sex before marriage, I didn’t realize that by choosing to disobey God, that I was essentially choosing to obey the Devil.
We see this concept in Ephesians 2.
“You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God.” – Ephesians 2:2 NLT
So if you continue to have sex before marriage, you are giving the Devil permission to control this area of your life, and his mission is very clear.
“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.” – John 10:10 NLT
Instead of having the healthy, godly relationship that you’ve been praying for, sex before marriage will only cause more pain, drama, ungodly soul ties, and heartbreak in your life.
How to Stop Having Sex Before Marriage
Okay so now that you know that God will forgive you for having sex before marriage and that it is a big deal, how do you stop?
How do you stop having sex if you’ve already had sex before marriage?
When I finally did surrender my sex life to God, I wanted to stop sleeping around, but I kept stumbling.
It was so hard that I started to wonder, is it even possible to stop having sex before marriage?
Short answer: Yes, it is possible to stop having sex before marriage and to wait until your wedding night.
After stumbling for months, I finally was able to stop having sex, and was able to stop watching porn and masturbating too.
And after praying and waiting for God to bring me a husband, God brought me a godly man who was also waiting to have sex until marriage again.
Thanks to the grace of God and from setting physical boundaries in dating, we were able to wait until our wedding night to have sex.
So how do you stop having sex before marriage? Below are 3 steps to keep in mind if you want to wait until marriage to have sex again.
Confess your sexual sin to God
Confessing your sin and receiving God’s forgiveness is the first step.
If you haven’t already asked God for forgiveness like we talked about above, it’s time to spend some time with God in prayer surrendering sex before marriage to Him.
Repent and turn from your sin
After you accept God’s forgiveness, the next step is to repent and turn from your sin.
Repentance means turning the other way from your sin, or going in the opposite direction.
With sexual sin, it’s so important to get rid of the people or things in your life that have caused you to sin in the past.
When I wanted to stop having sex, I stumbled for months and kept having sex with this guy even when I didn’t want to.
But God showed me the reason that I was stumbling was because I had never repented or took action to remove the sin from my life.
To repent from sexual sin, pray and consider whether God wants you to do the following:
- Stop talking or hanging out with men you’ve had sex with in the past
- Stop reading certain books or watching TV or movies that stimulate lust or have sex scenes
- Refrain from drinking alcohol or going out to certain bars where you may be tempted to sleep with men
- Consider installing porn blocking software if you are struggling with watching porn
- Break up with your boyfriend who doesn’t see why waiting until marriage is a big deal
Pray and declare God’s Word when you are tempted
Learning to pray and declare God’s Word when you are tempted is a must.
Resisting temptation is HARD, especially if you’ve already had sex before.
But no matter how tempted you are, God’s Word is powerful and the Holy Spirit will give you the strength to say no and resist temptation.
To stand strong against temptation, download my free, 7-day resisting temptation devotional for scriptures and prayers to pray when you are tempted.
FAQs About Having Sex Before Marriage
When it comes to sex before marriage as a Christian, there are probably several other questions you have about sex before marriage.
Below are some commonly asked questions regarding sex before marriage as a Christian.
Can Christians Have Sex Before Marriage?
A Christian could have sex before marriage, but it doesn’t mean they should.
God gives us free will to make our own choices, but we also have to accept the consequences of our sin and poor choices.
Like it says in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 10, just because someone can do something doesn’t mean they should.
“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.” – 1 Corinthians 10:23
God has a lot to say about sex in the Bible, and having sex before marriage would not be beneficial for your life.
Learn more about why having sex before marriage is a sin, and why it’s best to wait until marriage to have sex.
Your main reason to wait until marriage to have sex should be to honor and respect God.
But if you don’t have the desire to obey this command just because you’re supposed to, learn more about ungodly soul ties and how soul ties can hold you back from the godly man and healthy relationship that you want.
Is it Fine Having Sex Before Marriage?
If you want to honor God with your body and with every area of your life, it would not be fine to have sex before marriage.
Having sex before marriage is a sin and is not pleasing to God, so if you truly want to follow God, this would mean waiting until marriage to have sex.
If you want to learn more about why it's important to wait until marriage to have sex, check out these Christian dating books that explain God's design for dating and relationships.
Is Oral Sex Before Marriage a Big Deal?
If you’re supposed to wait until marriage to have sex, what about oral sex? Is oral sex a sin?
Anything that is lustful or sexual in nature should be avoided before marriage. This would include oral sex.
Some Christians wonder how far is too far when it comes to physical activity, but the real question is how much do you want to honor God with your body?
And anything that stimulates lust or that gets you turned on should be avoided.
Oral sex should be off the table until marriage.
Is Kissing or Making Out a Sin?
If you’re supposed to wait until marriage to have sex, including oral sex, what about kissing or making out? How much is too much?
Again, anything that is done with a lustful or sexual intent should be avoided before marriage.
This would also include kissing or making out in a lustful way, or in a way that makes you want to have sex.
In the past when I had sex before marriage, making out always left me with wanting to have sex.
So when I started dating my husband, we decided not to make out until our wedding night.
This may sound a bit crazy at first, but not making out was one of the best Christian dating boundaries we implemented.
Learn more about whether making out is a sin and why you should consider waiting until marriage.
Do You Need Help Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex?
Girl, if you’re doubting whether you can really wait until marriage to have sex again, I believe in you.
God gave me the strength and self-control that I needed, and he can do it for you.
Download the free, 7-day resisting temptation devotional to help you stand strong against temptation.
And if you want to marry a man of God who also loves God, join the free, 14-day future husband prayer challenge for 14 days of scriptures, prayers, and devotions to pray over yourself and your future husband.