I didn’t know what soul ties were for the longest time. Even as I became a Christian, this term was not on my radar until I started attending a women’s group at church and reading books on purity.
Before I surrendered my life and sex life to God, I was someone who didn’t think it was a big deal to sleep with guys before marriage.
All my friends around me were always hooking up with people so I never thought it was a big deal. But whether I realized it or not, I was forming ungodly soul ties with the men I was sleeping with and I didn’t even know it.
Soul ties ARE a thing and they are powerful. But they aren’t always a bad thing if they are formed in the right context. In this blog post, we will discuss:
Simply put, a soul tie is a bond that is formed to attach two people together for life.
When most people refer to soul ties, they are talking about the bond that is formed between two people when they have sex or sexual soul ties.
Michael Todd, Author of Relationship Goals and Pastor of Transformation Church, describes a soul tie as when your “mind, will, and emotions are entangled with someone else.”
I love the soul tie definition Michael Todd talks about in his book, Relationship Goals. He defines a soul tie as follows:
“The soul is made up of three distinct parts: the mind, the will, and the emotions. Your mind is how you think, your will is what you desire, and your emotions display how you feel.
Soul ties happen when someone allows his soul to become attached to someone or something that has the power to affect him. There are all kinds of soul ties: godly ones and ungodly ones, constructive ones and destructive ones.”
A soul tie is why you may still feel attached to someone even after you’ve broken up or stopped sleeping together. Sex was intended to bond or attach you to the other person for life, and this bond doesn’t automatically break when you break up.
Soul ties help create intimacy and a lasting bond in marriage. But outside of marriage, sexual soul ties in romantic relationships can be detrimental to one’s emotional, spiritual and physical well-being.
As Michael Todd describes in his book, Relationship Goals, “Ungodly soul ties can cause delayed destiny, wasted time, emotional stress, trust issues, bitterness, insecurities, and more issues to a person’s life.
And forming ungodly soul ties is one of the biggest reasons why people don’t achieve the relationship goals that God wants for us.”
If you’ve formed an ungodly soul tie with another person, the soul tie can hold you back from pursuing healthy relationships with the right person and from experiencing God’s best for your life.
I also love how Michael Todd describes the effect of soul ties in his sermon, There is No Condom for Your Heart.
In his sermon, Michael Todd talks about how there is no condom for your heart. While people think they are practicing safe sex by wearing a condom to protect themselves from Sexually Transmitted Diseases, there is no way to protect the heart from Spiritually Transmitted Disfunctions.
There is no way to protect your heart from soul ties when you have sex outside of marriage.
Sex is not just physical; it’s an emotional and spiritual connection and when two people have sex outside of marriage, and there is no way to protect their heart from an ungodly soul tie.
That’s why there is no such thing as just “casual sex” or “friends with benefits”. There is nothing casual about sex. And two people who have sex cannot stay “just friends.”
While they may try and convince themselves in their mind that it’s just sex or that they are just friends, they can’t protect their heart from the spiritual and emotional bonds that form during sex. They cannot prevent the soul tie that forms, attaching them together.
Sadly, due to what society tells us about sex, most people don’t know that having sex outside of marriage causes the most damage to your heart.
As you have more and more sexual partners, forming soul ties with many people, you end up entangled with several people. Over time, you start leaving a piece of yourself with each person you’ve slept with, and you start carrying parts of other people’s lives that you were not meant to carry.
And this means you end up carrying all of the junk and drama that the other person carries in their life.
Think about this for a second. The Bible talks about how people can be oppressed by demons or evil spirits. (If this is new to you, you can read about how Jesus and his disciples set people free from demons in the gospels).
Do you want to open yourself up to someone else’s demon by sleeping with them? Is the pleasure of sex worth attaching yourself to all the junk and evil spirits they may be carrying?
In his sermon, Michael Todd illustrates what happens when two people sleep together outside of marriage and eventually break up with glue and two pieces of paper.
If you glued two pieces of paper together, the glue is supposed to stick the papers together for life.
But when you try and break the two pieces of paper apart, it’s not a clean break. Residue remains on each piece of paper and pieces of each paper end up ripping and still being stuck to the other piece of paper. The two pieces of paper will never be the same.
When a person continues to form ungodly soul ties, they “glue” themselves to the other person and they get the other person’s “residue” on them and leave parts of them behind when they break up.
Over time, the person will be unable to stick properly to another person. They won’t be able to form a healthy bond with the other person because they’ve been glued and ripped apart so many times.
And when people end up bringing their soul ties into marriage, they are bringing all the baggage, drama, and junk from their past relationships into their marriage. And it will prevent them from creating true intimacy with their spouse in marriage since they are still bonded or attached to other people.
As I talk about in more detail below, God created sex to glue a husband and wife together. God created us to bond through sexual intimacy in marriage, and a soul tie was intended to create a lasting bond between a husband and wife for life.
But whether people are married or not, the same bond or attachment forms during sex.
As Marian Jordan Ellis talks about in her book, Sex and the Single Christian Girl, during sex, hormones are released in both the male and female. In the woman, a powerful hormone called oxytocin is released; this hormone is what causes women to emotionally bond and glue to the man.
The more oxytocin is released, the more bonding ensues. Researchers know that oxytocin is produced naturally in the brain and that it is released when a couple becomes physically intimate, most especially during sexual orgasm, producing strong bonding in both men and women.
For women, it increases trust and immediately produces feelings of attachment. This attachment is both physical and spiritual and is called a soul tie.
Yes. Soul ties affect both men and women but different hormones are released during sexual activity.
According to Moral Revolution, any kind of sexual activity that takes place releases chemicals in our brains. For women, it is primarily the hormone oxytocin, and for men it is vasopressin.
Vasopressin is very similar to oxytocin, except that it is primarily released in the brain of men. This hormone causes a man to bond to a woman during intimate contact.
Some call it the “commitment hormone” or “monogamy molecule”. This hormone generates a desire for commitment and rouses loyalty. It inspires a protective sense over one’s mate, and can create a “jealous” tendency.
While soul ties are formed when two people have sex, they can also be formed through other forms of physical touch.
In her book about sex & purity, Marian Jordan Ellis talks about how oxytocin is released through intimate touch and arousal, not just during intercourse.
According to Live Science, oxytocin is sometimes known as the "cuddle hormone" or the "love hormone," because it is released when people snuggle up or bond socially.
This is why it’s so important to establish physical boundaries in a relationship to protect yourself from forming ungodly soul ties or a soul tie too soon before you are married.
And this is why you can start to feel attached to a guy you’re dating even if you haven’t had sex. If you’ve engaged in any physical contact, oxytocin may have been released, creating a deeper attachment to the other person.
Other scientific evidence also suggests that soul ties are formed between moms and their babies which is a healthy soul tie to help secure the bond between a mother and her child.
The oxytocin produced between a mother and child helps create a secure attachment to each other which aids in breastfeeding and nurturing the baby.
So as you can see in this type of relationship between a mother and her baby, a soul tie can actually be a good thing.
Soul ties can also be formed among close friends and even coworkers since oxytocin may be released in the brain when people bond socially.
We will talk more about ungodly and godly soul ties below, but outside of romantic relationships, soul ties can help bond two people together in a healthy way.
Soul ties can also be formed to images or pornographic experiences, most often from watching porn.
Soul ties can be formed from watching porn?! Yes, let me explain.
It sounds a little crazy, but remember, hormones are released in our brains during sex. And these hormones have a purpose.
According to Covenant Eyes, which is a Christian resource for those struggling with porn addiction, our brain operates on a system of neural pathways that send signals to and from in the mind and body, releasing chemicals and signaling physical responses.
Men and women release a chemical called oxytocin at orgasm which creates a bond in the mind with what or whom the sexual release was with. In women, the amount of oxytocin released is much higher. The divine design is for the bond to be between husband and wife. The brain, however, does not know the difference–in porn’s case, it just bonds the man or woman with an image on a screen.
This builds a neural pathway in your mind that, over time, becomes difficult to extricate oneself from. Porn has a real physical effect on your mind.
So this means that a soul tie can be formed between a man or woman with a pornographic image.
This is why couples can have problems creating intimacy with each other in real life, because if a man or woman is used to watching porn, they have bonded with a pornographic image instead of their spouse. They have bonded to a fantasy, a picture, or an experience that is not reality with their wife.
On a side note, if you are struggling with a porn addiction or want to learn how to stop watching porn, check out the free articles and resources available at Covenant Eyes. I am not affiliated with them but through my research, I’ve noticed they have a lot of valuable content to help people get freedom from porn.
I’ve seen this question come up and wanted to point out that I was not able to find much evidence or research to support that soul ties are only one-sided.
However, as discussed above, different hormones and different levels of oxytocin are released in the man and woman during sexual activity so a man and woman may be affected by the soul tie in different ways.
For example, the woman may feel more attached to the man and may start to cling to the man. Ever heard the term “clingy”? This is where it comes from, it’s because of the hormones that are released during physical activity.
The man may start to feel more protective of the woman when a soul tie has formed and may make him jealous if other men are in the picture. Outside of marriage, these hormones can get distorted where the man may pull back from the relationship.
A soul tie can also be one-sided if a person bonds intimately with a thing or pornographic image used in sexual release. As discussed above, this creates problems in the future when the person attempts to form a bond with their spouse because they have already created a bond to a pornographic image.
We’ve talked about the science behind how soul ties are formed. Now it’s time to understand the biblical context of soul ties in the Bible and what God’s intent was. Since God created sex, he also created soul ties and he had a specific purpose for creating them.
The term “soul ties” is actually not in the Bible, but we see the bond or attachment that God wanted to create through sex in a few scriptures.
In Mark 10, we see that God intended to join a husband and wife together through sex in marriage.
“But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” – Mark 10:6-9 NLT
The bond created during sex was created to bond the husband and wife together in marriage. To become one. We also see that this bond between husband and wife was intended to last forever. This bond was not intended to be split apart or broken.
We also see the Bible talk about the bond that is created during sex in 1 Corinthians 6.
“Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!” “And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”” – 1 Corinthians 6:15-16
This verse addresses whether a man should sleep with a woman he is not married too. As you can see, this verse also references the fact that sex bonds a man and woman together during sex, even when they aren’t married. They are united into one; an attachment is created even outside of marriage.
And God is telling us in this verse that a man should not sleep with someone he is not married too. It’s like God is warning us here that an attachment will be created to the other person even if we have sex outside of marriage.
If I wrote my own translation for this verse, I would translate it as, “Be careful, you’ll be attached to this person forever when you sleep together.”
We also see how the Bible talks about a soul tie between close friends in 1 Samuel 18.
“After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.” – 1 Samuel 18:1 NIV
This verse demonstrates that God even intended for us to bond or form soul ties with close friends. And in this example of David and Jonathan, it was a healthy bromance. There was nothing creepy or weird about their close relationship. In fact, Jonathan was able to help protect David from Jonathan’s dad, Saul, who was trying to kill David.
So, forming soul ties with close friends can also be a good thing to strengthen the friendship.
Soul ties be unhealthy, depending on the relationship.
With any soul tie, the key is to determining whether you have godly or ungodly soul ties in your life.
The soul tie between a husband and wife in marriage is an example of a godly soul tie. God intended for the soul tie between a husband and wife to bond them together on a spiritual and emotional level for life. God created sex and he knew how powerful it would be to continuously unite a husband and wife together in marriage.
Soul ties between mothers and their children is another example of a godly soul tie. Even fathers can form soul ties with their children which again, helps foster the close parent-child relationship that a child needs to grow up in a secure, loving environment.
As discussed above, a person can also form healthy or godly soul ties with others that they bond with socially such as friends, mentors, coworkers, and others.
A soul tie that is formed between a man and woman in a romantic relationship outside of marriage is an example of an ungodly soul tie. When two people engage in physical activity outside of marriage, a soul tie is formed, bonding them for life, but this creates pain and problems when the couple breaks up.
Even if the couple was planning to get married, we see in the Bible that God’s intent was to create the soul tie in a covenant of marriage. So even forming a soul tie before marriage can cause issues in the relationship or rob a couple of receiving God’s blessing because they are not in this marriage covenant yet.
Ungodly soul ties can also be formed among friends. If the bond formed between two friends is not a healthy, secure bond, it can be unhealthy or toxic if the two friends depend too much on each other or if one person tries to cling to the other person.
And as we discussed above, ungodly soul ties can also be formed when a person watches porn. God did not create our bodies to bond with an image or pornographic experience in a sexual way. God created us to bond with our spouse in marriage, and bonding to images when watching porn was not God’s intent.
Have you ever felt stuck or attached to someone that you knew wasn’t good for you?
Maybe you knew he wasn’t the one, or that he didn’t deserve you, but you were unable to let him go. You were unable to stop hanging out with him because you still cared for him. You still had deep feelings for him, despite all the things he had done or how he had hurt you.
And even after you broke up, you still couldn’t move on but you didn’t understand why.
I used to think I was crazy or that something was wrong with me when I still liked someone that I knew wasn’t good for me. I was trying to move on, and the guy hadn’t treated me very well, but I still couldn’t help but like him.
I used to think to myself, “Why do I feel this way? What’s wrong with me? Why do I still care for him so much when I know he’s not a good person?”
A soul tie is most likely the reason. When you feel attached to a guy that you know isn’t good for you but you can’t let him go, you probably have a soul tie.
This is why women will commonly say, “I don’t know what it is, but there is just something about him. I can’t let him go.”
Now you know that it’s because of those darn soul ties!
Below are some examples that may indicate that you may have an ungodly soul tie with someone:
You can also pray and ask God to reveal any ungodly soul ties you may have formed through past relationships. If you’re not sure if you have a soul tie with someone, you can pray the soul tie prayer below just to make sure any soul tie has been broken.
Soul ties can jack you up. But don’t worry, you don’t have to stay bonded forever. It’s time to break ungodly soul ties that have been holding you back.
If you have an ungodly soul tie or several soul ties, don’t panic. God is a restorer. He is a God of grace, mercy, and compassion.
God tells us in the Bible that he forgives all our sins and heals our diseases. We are wiped clean and made new with the blood of Jesus Christ who already died on the cross for all these ungodly soul ties.
No sin or ungodly soul tie is too big for God to forgive and restore. No matter how many sexual partners you’ve had in the past or how much you’ve watched porn, God can and will heal you if you surrender this area to him.
You can be healed and set free from the power of the Holy Spirit. The same power that rose Jesus from the dead has the ability to set you free from these soul ties and restore you.
Are you ready? Are you ready to break ungodly soul ties that have been holding you back?
The first step to breaking ungodly soul ties is repenting or turning away from the person you’ve formed an ungodly soul tie with.
The Bible tells us to flee or run from sexual sin.
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18 NLT
Running from sexual sin means turning and heading in the opposite direction of the person or situation causing you to sin. If you truly want to break the soul tie with someone, you need to run in the opposite direction.
It does not mean you still hang out with the person, go to the same bars, and watch the same movies, expecting yourself to all of a sudden be immune to how that other person makes you feel.
If you want to break the soul tie, you need to end the relationship or stop hanging out with them. And it would be wise not to remain friends with them. You may also need to delete their number and unfollow them on social media.
It’s also important to get rid of anything that reminds you of this person. Get rid of any gifts he gave you and get rid of anything in your house that makes you think of them.
Repentance takes action on your part but it’s necessary to truly be free from someone. It may hurt a lot in the beginning to let these things go, but it will be so worth it once you are able to walk in freedom and have the bond with this person broken.
The next step to breaking ungodly soul ties is to confess your sins and ask for God’s forgiveness. The Bible tells us to confess our sins to God and to one another so that we may be healed and forgiven.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” – James 5:16
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." – 1 John 1:9
I include an example of how you can confess your sexual sin to God in the soul ties prayer below. Overcoming sexual sin is not easy and I recommend confessing your sin to a close Christian friend or mentor that can support you and provide accountability as you pursue freedom.
Renounce & Break
After you’ve repented and confessed that you’ve sinned by forming an ungodly soul tie, it’s time to renounce and break the soul tie.
Renounce means declaring that you no longer agree with the soul tie that was formed and that you reject your alignment with it.
Renouncing the soul tie essentially means you are telling God that you are no longer in alignment with it and that you disagree with the bond that was formed.
After you renounce the ungodly soul tie, you need to ask and declare that the soul tie is broken in the name of Jesus.
Declaring that the soul tie is broken in prayer out loud is important. If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of you. The Holy Spirit is the power that breaks the soul tie.
It’s important to note that you cannot break a soul tie on your own. A soul tie is a spiritual bond and you need the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s grace to break it. Only God can break something that he meant to last forever.
You can also ask someone at church or a fellow believer to pray and break the soul tie for you.
Here is an example of a prayer to break soul ties. Say the prayer out loud and believe in your heart that God will break the soul tie.
Heavenly Father, I thank you for giving me Jesus. Because of Him, I am able to approach you and receive forgiveness and freedom. I repent of having sexual intimacy and sex outside of marriage. I acknowledge that I have formed ungodly soul ties and that I have sinned. I ask and thank you for your forgiveness through Jesus Christ.
Right now, I renounce the ungodly soul tie with [say the person’s name] and I break this soul tie in the name of Jesus. Lord, I ask you that you wipe the memories and emotional, spiritual and physical bond I've had with them. I ask for the blood of Jesus to cover me.
I forgive myself for making the wrong decisions. From now on, I choose the path of righteousness. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.
Breaking soul ties is just one part of overcoming sexual sin. I struggled with sexual sin for months, even after I became a Christian, and learning to be free from my past sexual sin and walking in purity was not easy.
You can break off soul ties from your past, but if you don't learn how to surrender this area to God or how to resist temptation, you may find yourself entangled in more soul ties in the future.
If you want to learn more about how to overcome all sexual sin & how to walk in purity to receive God’s best for your life, learn more about my online course, Pursuing Purity.
I also have a free devotional to help you learn how to resist temptation.
If you are still waiting for God to bring you your future husband, download my free prayer guide, 5 Prayers for Your Future Husband, to learn how to pray for your future husband.
And if you want to get more intentional about praying over yourself and your future spouse, join my free, 14-day Attracting Your Future Husband prayer challenge.
Each day you'll get a different topic to pray for, including a devotion, Bible verses, and a prayer.
You can read more about how I surrendered my sex life to God in my book, One Transforming Love, which is a Christian fiction novel based on my testimony of how God transformed my life.
Surrendering my sexual lifestyle and choosing to walk in purity was the biggest decision I made to follow God and it was the best decision I ever made after choosing to follow Jesus.
Join the FREE Attracting Your Future Husband challenge, a 14-day prayer challenge that will help you pray over yourself & your future husband as you wait on God to bring you together