The ultimate question. Is it okay to ask a guy out? Should you ask a guy out if you've been praying & waiting for a guy to ask you out for what seems like forever?
Should you drop lots of hints, talk to his friends, bat your eyelashes, organize group outings and casually ask him to grab coffee?
If you've been single for a while, you're probably tempted to be more bold and put yourself out there by asking the guy out if you're interested.
In this blog post, we will discuss what the Bible says about asking a guy out and reasons why you shouldn't ask a guy out first.
I pondered this question all last year myself as I prayed and waited for the man of my dreams and prayers to ask me out.
I tried talking to him a lot at church and always made a point to say hi and ask how his week was. Sometimes he was warm and friendly and other times he barely said a word to me.
I wanted to get coffee with him SO BAD just to get to know him better but I wanted him to be the one to ask me out.
He knew I existed, we talked and interacted on the same volunteer team at church, so what was taking so long? Why wasn’t my Asian crush asking me out?
Could he be intimated? Does this mean he isn’t interested? What if he is shy and needs me to make the first move? What if he doesn’t want to risk things being awkward if I say no?
The questions and excuses are endless for trying to justify why it’s okay for a girl to ask a guy out. The voices all around us from our friends and social media don’t help either.
“Oh, it’s totally okay to ask a guy out. Guys like it when a woman makes the first move.”
“Asians are super shy. He’s totally intimated, you definitely need to make the first move or else it’s never going to happen.”
“Just ask him out for coffee. What’s the big deal? What do you have to lose?”
“Maybe he’s afraid to ask you out because he doesn’t think you’re interested in him.”
The voices can be endless around us. When praying and trusting God with our future husband, we must recognize these voices for what they are – lies and opinions, and we must choose to cancel these voices around us and turn to the truth, God’s word in the Bible.
While the Bible talks about marriage, you’ve probably noticed that the Bible doesn’t explicitly address whether a girl should ask a guy out.
But we can still apply what we do know about men and women in the Bible to determine whether it's okay to ask a guy out.
The Bible tells us a lot about how God created male and female and the roles each gender has in the relationship.
From the very beginning, God tells us in Genesis that he created Eve for Adam.
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”" - Genesis 2:18
I love how honest God was. He knew it was not good for a man to be alone so he created a woman to be a helper suitable for the man.
In Ephesians 5:22-24, the Bible also tells us a lot about the roles of husbands and wives in marriage.
“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” - Ephesians 5:22-24
1 Corinthians 11:3 also highlights that the head of every woman is man.
“But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." - 1 Corinthians 11:3
These verses tell us that God had specific roles in mind for men and women. God created the man to be the head and leader of the relationship and the family, and he created the woman to submit to the man’s leadership and authority as the helper in the relationship.
Understanding the roles that God created for men and women are important when dating. Since God designed men to be the leader in the relationship, this should start with letting the guy be the one to ask a girl out.
If we want a Godly husband who will take the lead and lead us in our marriage and family, shouldn’t we trust him enough to lead from the very beginning with asking us out?
If we ask a guy out first, we are going against the guy's nature to lead and we are distorting the roles God intended for us from the very beginning.
And what if it's not the right timing yet? What if God and the cute guy you have your eye on have a very good reason for not asking you out yet?
While you may feel tempted to ask him out and start dating, the timing could be all wrong and you could jeopardize your chances of dating if you ask a guy out at the wrong time.
Ask any Godly man and they will tell you that they DO want to be the one to lead and the one to ask a girl out first. Men want to be the pursuer and will intentionally lead if they are interested in a girl and the timing is right.
Now, some of you may be reading this thinking ‘what’s the big deal if you ask him out? It’s 2020, women ask men out all the time. Waiting for the man to ask the woman out is so old fashioned. Those rules don’t apply anymore.’
With any decision, it’s important to know what God’s word says and what he is telling you to do through the Holy Spirit. Absent any clear direction from God, we should trust what God’s word says and his design for men to be the leader in the relationship.
We need to also trust God and HIS ROLE in bringing you and your future husband together. We know God can do anything he wants and he can speak to anyone at any time.
I told myself that if my Asian crush was my future husband, that God could and would let him know that I was the one that God had created for him.
God can speak in so many different ways. For example, he can speak in dreams, visions, through prophecies, through scripture, or even in an audible voice.
God and his power are bigger than I can imagine and I didn’t have to feel like it was up to me to ask him out. I realized that I didn’t have to worry because I knew that God was in control and could speak to him at any time.
So if you like a guy, are you supposed to sit around and wait for him to ask you out?
As daughters of God, we should never be sitting around waiting for anything.
Instead, we should constantly be seeking God through prayer and reading his word.
We should be asking God to open our eyes for us to see how we can serve him in the single season we are in.
We need to trust God’s plans for us and that he will make them happen in his perfect timing.
Our timing may be different than God’s and we need to learn to be patient and not to try and force things into our own hands. We need to trust that God has a purpose for us when we are single and that we can serve God right where we are.
You never know how God is moving in both you and your future husband. You may be ready for a relationship but the man you’ve had your eye on may be going through something where he needs time to heal or time to focus on what God has in front of him.
In my blog post God is Still Writing Love Stories, I discuss in detail how I trusted God and waited on my Asian crush to ask me out.
While my friends around me told me to just ask him out, I knew he was supposed to be the leader and pursuer in the relationship so I waited for him to ask me out.
Deep down, I knew what God’s word said about the man being the leader in the relationship and I knew in my Spirit that it would be wrong to try and force things by asking him out.
So I prayed to God as I waited. I prayed for God to show me how I could best serve him in my single season.
I prayed for God to grant the desires of my heart as I delighted in him. I prayed that God would provide my every need, including my future husband.
And of course, I prayed for my future husband and that God would awaken him and that he would know that I was the one.
While I waited, I also took advantage of any opportunity to help my crush and support his volunteer team.
We were on the same volunteer team but at different service times and I would help him when he needed help. Organizing the welcome cards, baking brownies for team parties, lending an extra hand when the team was short – I did whatever I could to fulfill the role that God created me for as his helper.
While I still trusted God to move in his heart and show him that I was the one, I figured I could show him that I was a good helper and that I could help him out of love and respect for my fellow teammates.
God did answer my prayers and he awakened my crush at our volunteer team Christmas party.
He said it was like his eyes were open and the scales fell off when he saw me that night. I think it was more of the candy cane skirt and giant green bow that caught his eye but I’m not going to argue :)
My Asian crush finally did ask me out and we are both so glad that I waited and that he was the one who pursued me and asked me out.
I realized that he had been going through a transition at work that year and that if I had asked him out, it would have been terrible timing.
I also realized that God was working in me – I was still walking out my purity and growing closer to God, learning to seek him first and to trust in the plans he had for me.
From that Christmas party, my crush was intentional, pursued me and treated me like a queen more than I ever could have imagined. I never had to question whether he was interested and I never had to question whether we were on an actual date.
The Bible tells us to pray persistently and we should continue to pray over our future husband and for God to confirm the desires of our heart.
Instead of asking God WHY, ‘why we are still single and why he’s not asking us out’, we should pray God’s promises over our situation and worship him as we wait.
If you’re feeling frustrated and keep asking God to bring you your future husband, you may be praying the wrong prayer.
Instead of asking God to bring you your future husband, pray for God to move in your heart to show you how to be content right where you are and how he wants to use you in your single season. Pray for God to help you trust him and surrender this area to him.
Check out my blog post God is Still Writing Love Stories to learn more about the prayers that I prayed as I waited on God and how I surrendered my desires to him.
As we wait, we can also choose to worship God with praise. We can thank him for showing us how we can better serve him in the season we are in. We can thank him in advance for bringing us our future husband in his perfect timing. Our worship tells God that we trust him and that we are going to obey his will for us.
If you are waiting for the man of your prayers and dreams to ask you out, I pray that God awakens him and that he knows you are the helper that God created for him. I pray that he has confidence and courage to ask you out and to treat you like the queen you are. I pray that he is intentional and knows how to communicate with you so you never have to question his intentions.
You can wait on the Lord. He is faithful and he hears every prayer. He sees every tear. He is moving and bringing you and your future husband together even when you can’t see it. You can trust that he will confirm the desires on your heart. As hurtful as it is, I pray that he will change your heart’s desires and make it clear if the man you have been praying for is not the one. I also pray that he will make it clear if he is the one. We can trust God to be gentle with our heart and our desires.
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Want more blog posts about Christian dating? Check out the blog posts below for more Christian dating tips and insight from God's word.
Want more prayers to pray over your future husband?
Praying for our future husbands is powerful. It doesn't matter if God has already revealed who your future hubby is or if you are still waiting on God to bring you your man, prayer is one of the best things we can do to support our future husbands.
Click on the image below or click here to access my free prayer guide on Praying For Your Future Husband where I include the top 15 scriptures and 5 prayers I prayed regularly over my future husband.
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