You finally meet the perfect guy. After spending years being single and praying for God to bring you your future husband, you think this guy could be the one.
But how do you know if he’s the one God has for you? How do you know if you should marry him?
In this blog post, we will discuss how to know if he’s the one God has for you, including signs he’s the one.
We will also talk about signs he’s not the one God has for you and how to know if he’s not the one.
And if you want to know more about how my husband and I knew we were the one God had for each other, scroll down to the end to hear our personal God written love story and how God confirmed that my husband was the one he had for me 😊
This is the most important factor on this list and #1 sign that he’s the one. What God tells you trumps all other indicators.
If all other signs point to yes, but God tells you that he’s not the one, then he’s not the one.
And if God tells you that he’s the one but you see other signs that he’s not ready for a relationship, it may not be the right timing yet.
Who you marry is the second biggest decision after making the decision to follow Jesus. God created marriage and he cares about who you marry. He does not want you to marry the wrong person.
If you are praying to God and asking him to confirm if he’s the one, you can trust God to speak to you and confirm it.
“The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” – Psalm 32:8 NLT
God can speak in many different ways, and it’s important to be in tune with the Holy Spirit.
Sometimes God may speak to you in a dream or vision. Or sometimes he speaks through a friend through a prophecy or by giving them a dream.
Like with any other big decision, learning how the Holy Spirit speaks is important. You won’t typically see actual, physical signs indicating whether this guy is the one.
Rather, God will speak to you through your Holy Spirit to let you know if he’s the one God has for you or not.
As I talk about below, God confirmed to my husband that I was the one through dreams and fulfilled prophecies.
Having a strong sense of peace is an indicator that you are in line with God’s will for your life.
“And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. “ – Colossians 3:15 NLT
If you both have a strong peace or reassurance that you are supposed to be together, this could be the Holy Spirit confirming that he’s the one God has for you.
But if he seems like a great guy but something feels off, pray and press in to what God is trying to tell you.
If you still don’t have peace about the relationship, this could be a sign that he’s not the one or it’s the wrong timing to pursue a relationship.
If this guy doesn’t love God or have a relationship with God, he probably isn’t the one. God makes it pretty clear in the Bible how important it is to be equally yoked and to only marry someone who loves the Lord.
If a guy seems like a loving guy and possesses great qualities, it still doesn’t matter.
Loving God should be considered a non-negotiable or a deal breaker.
If he doesn’t love God, it’s time to move on. This is a sign he is not the one God has for you.
If you're not sure if he is a true man of God, check out 15 ways to tell if he is a godly man.
Since we mentioned being equally yoked above, it’s important to point out the importance of both of you being on the same page spiritually.
Just because a guy goes to church with you doesn’t mean you are equally yoked. And just because he says he’s a Christian or that he loves God, doesn’t necessarily mean you are on the same page.
Again, being equally yoked is important to God and he would not want you to marry someone that was not on the same page as you spiritually.
If the guy is a new believer or open to growing more with God, that’s a different story.
But if a guy is not showing any desire or signs that he wants to grow closer to God, he may not love God or have as strong a relationship with God that you thought.
And if this guy brings you further away from God, then this is another sign that he’s not the one.
Your future husband should bring you closer to God, and if a guy pressures you to compromise your faith or values, then he is not the one God has for you.
The Bible tells us what love is and how much God loves us through Jesus. In John 1, the Bible tells us that God showed us what love is by sending his only son to die for our lives.
“God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” – 1 John 4:9-10 NLT
The Bible also tells us to lay down our lives for each other, and specifically addresses that husbands should love their wives by laying down their lives for her.
“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.” – Ephesians 5:25-26 NLT
If he is willing to sacrifice or lay down his life for you, then he loves you like Christ.
If he says he loves you but doesn’t put this love into action, then he may not be the one God has for you.
God shows us what true love is, and if a guy doesn’t love you like Christ loves you, it may not be love at all.
But if he does love you like Christ loves you, this is a sign that he could be the one.
While not everyone may like the new guy you are dating, it’s important for your boyfriend to meet your close family and friends and to get their approval.
Your close family and friends only want what is best for you. And if something feels off about this guy to them, it’s best to listen to their concerns.
They may see something in this guy that you don’t see. And it’s especially important to seek godly counsel and get wisdom from other godly couples.
If a friend or family member has good reason not to approve your relationship, it’s best to wait and consider if the issue can be addressed.
Premarital counseling is so important and so valuable for any couple considering getting married.
And if you are a Christian, make sure you have a godly couple that you respect and look up to to guide you through the Christian premarital counseling curriculum.
And did you know that it’s recommended that you go through premarital counseling BEFORE you get engaged? Yes, that’s right, before you even get engaged!
Completing premarital before you get engaged allows you to identify any major concerns or issues that would indicate that you are not ready to get married.
And going through it before you are engaged prevents the awkwardness of having to break an engagement and give the ring back.
Premarital does so much more than determine if you are compatible and should get married.
It helps identify major topics and issues you need to discuss to ensure that you are on the same page together. And by discussing these major topics and issues before you are married, it helps reduce problems or surprises in these areas when you do get married.
It allows you to talk about your core values and expectations for marriage to make sure you both have a healthy view of what your marriage should look like.
And having a godly couple to facilitate premarital allows you to get the wisdom and help you need when navigating tough topics.
For example, you could discuss any of the following in premarital:
If you’ve gone through premarital with a Christian couple that you trust and they don’t see any issues with the two of you getting married, this is another sign that he is the one God has for you.
If he doesn’t live out or obey God’s Word in the Bible, this could indicate a major issue and be a sign that he’s not the one. If he isn’t going to respect God’s commands, what makes you think he would respect you in a relationship?
You want someone who will be loyal and faithful to you, and if he isn’t faithful to God, it’s best not to be together.
Trust is a big part of any relationship and if you can’t trust him to live out God’s Word, there will probably be more trust issues in your relationship.
This is a big one. If a man says he loves God but doesn’t think it’s important to wait until marriage to have sex, there is something off.
Either he hasn’t been reading his Bible, or he is choosing to disobey God in this area.
And just because it’s hard to wait until marriage to have sex doesn’t mean he can choose not to follow God in this area.
You don’t want to open up the door for lust or perversion to get in your relationship by compromising God’s design for sex.
If he is pressuring you to have sex or doesn’t think it’s a big deal to wait, this is another sign that he probably isn’t the one God has for you.
Have you ever heard of couples talk about the difference between loving and liking each other?
There may be some qualities that you really love about him, for example, his passion and heart for God, but do you actually enjoy spending time together?
When you go on dates or spend time together, do you actually enjoy this person’s company?
Sometimes it’s easy to be focused on their qualities and characteristics, but being able to enjoy the time you spend together is also important.
And you don’t have to have all the same interests and hobbies. But being able to find something that you enjoy doing together will be important for your relationship and marriage.
Remember how we talked about how important it was for him to show his love for you in action? Well, same goes for you sister.
When you say I do and make a commitment to become his wife, you are promising to love him all the days of your life, through the good and bad.
Can you imagine standing by this man’s side when he’s sick? Can you imagine being there for him through the loss of a loved one, or if he loses his job?
Or can you imagine thinking of his interests above your own, even if it means doing the dishes or cleaning the laundry when you just don’t feel like it?
Sometimes love may feel like a choice, and it may mean choosing to be there for him no matter what goes on around you.
We talked about how the Bible defines love, and that loving someone means that you are willing to sacrifice or lay down your life for that person.
It is so important to not confuse lust for love. If you’ve been physical with him, it’s important to understand the power and effect a soul tie can have in a relationship, even if you haven’t slept together.
And just because you feel this intense chemistry or passion doesn’t mean you love each other, or that he’s the one God has for you.
If you’ve slipped up and let things go too far physically, it’s best to set physical boundaries and focus on whether you two are truly compatible for each other.
And if lust is the only thing fueling your relationship, he probably isn’t the one God has for you.
Seek godly counsel around you and pray to break soul ties that may have formed or pray against any lust or perversion that may have taken root in the relationship.
And if he wants to sleep with you but doesn’t show his love for you in any other way, then he’s not the one God has for you.
This may seem like a no brainer, but if you’re convinced he’s the one God has for you, but there are some major red flags, it may be best to wait to see if some of these red flags can be addressed.
While none of us are perfect, it’s important to work on and address any issues without bringing someone else into it in marriage.
Examples of red flags that could indicate that he’s not the one God has for you:
Just like God has given you unique gifts, talents, and a purpose in this world, God has a unique plan and purpose for your marriage.
I call this a missional marriage, where God has a mission and purpose for your marriage.
You and your future husband’s gifts and purpose should complement each other in some form or fashion. In marriage, you and your husband are always on the same team.
You’re on the same team with both of your jobs, with the housework, with the kids, serving at church – everything you do becomes a team effort as you combine the gifts and talents that God has given each one of you.
While you may have different jobs or careers, it’s important to realize how your gifts and skills align and compliment each other.
For example, my husband is the planner in our marriage and he is naturally more detail-oriented. I on the other hand, hate planning and prefer to be more big-picture oriented. This comes in handy when we serve and lead a team together at church, and when we plan vacations.
It’s important to identify both your strengths and weaknesses to see how you can help each other to fulfill the plans and purpose God has for both of you in your marriage.
And lastly, sometimes you know he’s the one God has for you when this man is an answered prayer.
Maybe you’ve been praying for your future husband to have certain qualities and characteristics, and this guy has all these qualities that you’ve been praying for.
Or maybe you have been praying over a certain guy in particular for quite some time, and he is finally showing interest in you.
This was a big factor in how I knew that my husband was the one God had for me. As I share in more detail below, I had been praying specific things over my desires for this guy for a year, and then everything I had been praying for came true.
My husband was an answered prayer and more – which shows that God really does know what we need and gives us even more than we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
We already talked about 15 signs he’s the one and how to know if he’s the one God has for you.
But in case you are wondering, ‘how do you know if he is not the one God has for you?’, here are 15 signs he’s not the one God has for you:
I know what it's like to lose hope and doubt if God will ever answer your prayers for a husband.
The biggest thing you can do in this season as you wait is to declare and pray God's Word over your life and over your future husband.
These scripture cards for single ladies will remind you of what God says about being single, and your desires for marriage.
Whenever you need a boost of faith, declare these Bible verses and affirmations to keep believing that God is writing your own love story.
I’ve shared my God written love story on the blog and how I liked and prayed for my now husband an entire year before he asked me out. And once he finally asked me out, we got married about 9 months later.
While that seems fast, my husband and I had been friends and got to know each other at church for that entire year. Through serving on the same volunteer team, we were able to see each other’s heart for God and for others.
But how did I know he was the one God had for me?
Basically, the prayers I had been praying for a year came true. I asked God to confirm the desires I had on my heart and that if he was the one, he would ask me out and know how to communicate with me. And he would be awakened and know that I was the one that God had for him.
And after months of starting to think that maybe he wasn’t the one God had for me since he wasn’t asking me out, I finally saw things shift. The qualities and specific things I had been praying for were suddenly a reality.
He started talking to me more. He started showing an interest in getting to know me, and he asked good questions.
He was communicating his intentions and desire to get to know me. And when we went on a date, I knew it was a date and that he wanted to see me again. It literally was like he was awakened and saw me in a new light, which was exactly what I had been praying for.
And once we started dating, everything just felt right. It was like God created us to be together. I never had to question his intentions, I never had to question whether he was into me.
And I never had to question whether he was a true man of God.
After we started officially dating, my husband told me that he had prayed and asked God to confirm if I was the one. And within a few weeks, God had confirmed to him that I was the one through a few different ways.
God had given him a dream where I was praying for my future husband, and God had also reminded him of past prophecies that I fulfilled. My husband had had a few prophecies spoken over him for how he would meet his future wife, and my husband realized that I fit those prophecies.
And then my husband and I took Christian premarital counseling through our church only a few months after we had started dating. At first, I thought it was a little too soon compared to how long couples dated before getting engaged in the world, but I realized it still felt right to talk about a future together.
And after discussing our expectations and desires for marriage in premarital with a Godly couple, my husband and I realized that we were ready to pursue marriage and that we were compatible.
As I write this, we’ve almost been married for a year. And while it seemed like we got engaged and married quick, I know it was the right timeline for us. We were both ready for marriage and God had confirmed that we were supposed to be together.
Whether you've met the guy that could be the one, or if you are still waiting for God to bring your husband into your life, praying for your future husband is powerful.
If you are looking for different prayers to pray over yourself & your future husband, join my free, 14-day Attracting Your Future Husband Challenge.
Each day you'll get a new topic to pray over, including a devotion, Bible verses, and a prayer.
And if you want some prayers and Bible verses to access quickly, download my free prayer guide for Prayers for Your Future Husband.
Join the FREE Attracting Your Future Husband challenge, a 14-day prayer challenge that will help you pray over yourself & your future husband as you wait on God to bring you together