Why I Chose Not to Have Sex Before Marriage

dating & relationships purity & singleness Jan 21, 2021
surrender sex before marriage

Why I Surrendered Sex Before Marriage to God

I almost didn’t choose to follow God because I didn’t want to stop having sex before marriage.

When I started pursuing a relationship with God, he showed me that people actually did read the Bible and that he wanted his people to obey his commands in the Bible.

Once I learned more about what the Bible said about sex, it was clear that having sex before marriage was a sin and that continuing to have sex before marriage would be disobeying God’s design for sex.

So I faced the biggest decision I ever had to make.

Choosing God was easy. But choosing to obey his commands and choosing to surrender sex before marriage was the hardest decision I ever had to make.

Wedding photo: By Makenna Brylee Photography

Why Would Anyone Give Up Sex Before Marriage?

When I was faced with this decision, I was single and thought it would be impossible to wait until marriage to have sex. The thought of giving up sex for God also sounded absolutely crazy. What was the big deal? Who would want to date me if I wouldn’t have sex before marriage?

Now, a few years later, my husband and I are able to walk in the blessing and marriage that God had for us.

We were able to wait until marriage to have sex. It is possible to wait and we were both able to overcome a sexual past and walk in purity to honor God’s design for sex. (Setting physical boundaries was a key factor that helped us walk in purity. Click here to learn more about How to Set Boundaries in dating and the boundaries we set to walk in purity.)

But when I was faced with the initial decision to give up sex before marriage, I didn’t want to surrender sex just because God said so. As a new Christian, I was still learning about God and why it was important to obey his commands.

I was learning that having sex before marriage was a sin but I didn’t truly understand why God intended for sex to be enjoyed only in marriage or why it was important to obey him.

But as I spent more time with God, he showed me my ‘Why’, he showed me why it was so important to surrender sex to him and to obey his command not to have sex before marriage.

It is possible to obey God's design for sex but you need to know your why. It's hard to obey something when deep down you really don't feel like doing it.

When it comes to walking in purity, your desire to love and obey God has to be bigger than your desire to have sex.

So here are my 5 big whys for why I surrendered sex before marriage to God and why I chose to wait until marriage to have sex.

I Didn't Want the Devil Controlling My Sex Life

All my adult life I had hooked up with people and didn’t think twice about having sex with people I dated. Everyone else was doing it and nobody I knew waited until marriage to have sex.

But when I had the revelation that to follow God, I was supposed to actually obey what it said in the Bible, God showed me that I had a choice to make.

I could go all in for God or I could continue to hold onto this area of my life.

I wanted God but I did not want to stop having sex. I didn’t even think it was possible to not have sex again until my wedding night.

I even tried to justify that I could still follow God without surrendering this area. That as long as I gave God all other areas of my life, then not surrendering sex was okay.

But thanks to a powerful message at church, God showed me why that wasn’t going to work.

For any area of your life that you aren’t surrendering to God, you are essentially letting the devil control that area of your life. And God doesn’t want 90% or even 99% of your life. He wants 100%. You can’t choose to live for both God and the devil. They are on opposing teams.

This concept is also discussed in the Bible; the devil is the commander of the world and is at work in those that don’t obey God.

“You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God.” – Ephesians 2:2

After God revealed that I was letting the devil control this area of my life, I was horrified. I hadn’t intended to make an agreement with the devil but by choosing to disobey God’s command for sex, I was actually agreeing with the devil. And I didn’t want the devil to have any part in my life.

At the time, I didn’t understand fear of the Lord but I was aware of who the devil was and I didn’t want the devil to control my life anymore. The devil had already caused so much destruction and heartbreak in my life and I didn’t want to continue down his path.

The devil’s mission is to steal, kill and destroy and I didn’t want him destroying any more parts of my life.

So I surrendered sex before marriage to God because I didn’t want the devil to have control of this area of my life anymore.

Motivated by Love for God

I also learned that obeying God’s commands was a way we show love for God.

Growing up, I just thought of the Bible as a bunch of rules to follow but as my relationship with God grew, he showed me that he wanted me to obey his commands out of love for him as my Father.

“Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.” – 1 John 5:3

“If you love me, obey my commandments.” – John 14:15

Think of obeying God’s commands like obeying a parent’s commands. Just like in any healthy parent-child relationship, the parent sets rules in the house for the child to obey for their own good.

Don’t stick your finger in the wall outlets. Don’t touch the hot stove. Don’t eat 10 brownies at once.

Just like a loving father, God also sets rules for his children to follow for our own good. Don’t commit murder. Don’t steal. Don’t marry a nonbeliever. Don’t have sex before marriage.

God’s commands are for our own good, to protect us from destruction and to live in the life God intended for us.

And love should be our motivation for obeying these commands. Just like we obey our earthly parents out of love and respect, we should obey God’s commands out of love and respect as well.

The more time I spent with God, the more I understood how much he loved me and the love I had for him grew in return. And the more love I genuinely felt for God, the more I wanted to obey his commands.

God loved me so much that he sent his only son to die for my life and for my sins. God loved me so much that he forgave me and showed me mercy when I was still a sinner.

If God loves me that much, I can obey his commands out of respect for him and for Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

I gave up sex before marriage out of love for God. If God doesn’t want me to have sex until marriage, then I’ll do it because I love God and want to respect him.

Fear of the Lord

As I spent more time with God and reading the Bible, I also understood how important obedience was to God and that I was to fear the Lord.

God makes it pretty clear in Deuteronomy in the Bible that the key to prospering is by obeying his commands and that we will perish if we turn from his ways.

"Like the nations the Lord is about to destroy before you, you will perish if you do not obey the Lord your God." - Deuteronomy 8:20

"Be careful to obey all these things I command you, so that you and your children after you may prosper forever, because you will be doing what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God." - Deuteronomy 12:28

God talks about the consequences of disobedience and demonstrates these consequences several times in the Bible to people who turned from his ways.

I learned that obeying God’s commands was the key to flourishing and prospering in this life and that disobeying God’s commands would result in destruction.

Obedience = prosper

Disobedience = perish

So I decided to give up sex before marriage out of fear of the Lord. I understood that God is an all mighty, powerful God and that if we disobey his commands, there will be consequences.

I understood that God is a jealous God and can pour out his wrath to those who disobey him. That he punishes and disciplines those that disobey him.

I didn’t want to get in trouble or face any consequences so I wanted to obey God instead of finding out what would happen if I disobeyed.

For My Future Husband

After I made the decision to give up sex before marriage for God, I realized that each day I had a choice to walk in his ways. It wasn’t easy and I faced temptation and I constantly had to choose to obey God’s commands in this area.

As I walked out my purity, I also chose to obey God’s design for sex out of respect for my future husband.

I wanted to respect God and his commands but I also wanted to respect my future husband by not having sex before marriage. I didn’t want to give my body to anyone else and I wanted to present myself pure and holy to my husband in our marriage.

“He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.” – Ephesians 5:25-27

Doing anything physical felt like I would be cheating on my future husband. My body was special and I wanted to save it for my future husband.

So I gave up sex and wanted to wait to have sex until marriage out of respect for my future husband.

To Respect My Body

God also showed me how to honor and respect my body. He showed me that my body is a temple, a temple of the Holy Spirit.

“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?” – 1 Corinthians 6:19

I have God living in me, he is a part of me; and I wanted to respect my body instead of giving it away to men that didn’t deserve it.

The Bible also says that no sin affects our body like sexual sin.

“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18

I did not want to defile my body. I wanted to preserve and protect the power and presence of God in me.

So I chose not to have sex before marriage to honor and respect my own body.

Know Your Why

Surrendering any sin or area of your life to God is not easy. It's hard to surrender something to God just because you are supposed to. 

These were my ‘Whys’ for surrendering sex to God and for not having sex before marriage. On those days that I felt tempted, remembering my why always gave me the strength I needed to resist temptation.

To surrender this area to God, your why needs to be bigger than your desire of your flesh.

You need to want God more than you want sex.

You need to want the life God has for you more than the temporary fixes of the world.

Do you want the short-term feeling of pleasure? Or do you want the abundant life God has for you? (And you can experience pleasure and passion in marriage once God brings you your future husband)

I don’t know your past and I don’t know your story. But I do know that God promises to draw near to us when we draw near to him. And that no sin is too strong enough for God to overcome.

So wherever you’re at, keep pursuing God and he will give you your why. He will give you a strength you didn’t think was possible to surrender this to him.

I surrendered sex before marriage to God and he gave me the strength to walk in purity. It IS possible to wait until marriage. God showed me how and I believe he can do it for you too if you surrender this area to him.

Do You Want to Attract Your Future Husband?

Join my free 14-day Attracting Your Future Husband Challenge to pray over your future husband and become the woman and wife he is looking for as you wait on God to bring you together.  

The 14-day challenge includes the bible verses and prayers I prayed the most as I waited on God to bring me my husband - we got married in 2020 so I know that prayer is powerful!

Want to Learn How to Pray for Your Future Husband?

Praying for your future husband is powerful! It doesn't matter if God has already revealed who your future hubby is or if you are still waiting on God to bring you your man, prayer is one of the best things you can do to support your future husband.

Click on the image below or click here to access my free prayer guide on Praying For Your Future Husband. This prayer guide includes 15 scriptures and 5 prayer prompts to pray over your future husband.

Related Blog Posts

Want more blog posts about Christian dating and purity? Check out the blog posts below for more Christian dating tips and insight from God's word.

How to Set Boundaries in Dating

God is Still Writing Love Stories

Speaking Life Over Singleness

Should You Ask the Guy Out Already?

Single and Ready to Mingle: How to Bring Jesus into Any Conversation

Books That Helped Me Understand God's Design for Sex

Sex and the Single Christian Girl: Fighting for Purity In A Rom-Com World

Love Defined

The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love

Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships

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With Love,

Erin Elise Kiu

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