When I was single and praying to God for my future husband, there were some days I had no hope at all that I would ever have a boyfriend.
There were days that I would speak so negatively over myself and my singleness and it was easy to lose faith when I wasn’t seeing God move. As a Christian, it was hard to see that God had a purpose for my singleness.
The Bible tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue and I realized I had not been speaking life over my singleness or my future husband.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue." - Proverbs 18:21
I had been speaking death over myself and my singleness without even realizing it, but God showed me that the words I was speaking over myself were powerful.
God showed me that not only had I been speaking death over myself, I had also been speaking death over my future relationship status and over my future husband.
What are you speaking over yourself?
How are you speaking over your singleness or relationship status in general?
What are you speaking over your future husband right now?
The Bible also tells us that the words that we speak are actually an overflow of what is in our heart.
“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.” – Luke 6:45 NLT
If we’re speaking poorly over ourselves or our singleness, that’s actually a sign that we are discontent and feel that way in our heart.
I get it, being single is tough and can feel like a roller coaster sometimes. You have high days where you are full of faith, trusting that God is in control and you feel good about yourself and the plans God has for you.
Then there are the low days. Days you feel like you are losing hope and begin to question whether God is hearing your prayers at all.
Where are you currently at in your singleness? What kind of words are you speaking over yourself and your singleness?
Do your words speak life? Are you speaking God’s word - words of hope, encouragement and faith?
Or are you speaking death over your singleness - words of lies and negativity?
I realized I had been speaking death over three main areas so I want to discuss each area in more detail and how you can speak life into your singleness.
It can be so easy to put ourselves down or think something is wrong with us when we are single.
We may look at the other women around us on Instagram and think, 'if only I was as skinny as she was, I would have a boyfriend.' Or, 'if only I was prettier, then guys would like me.'
Speaking life over yourself can be especially tough if you spend any time on the dating apps. It can be so tough to stay positive about yourself when you face rejection over and over.
When I was on the dating apps, I used to think that something was wrong with me. I kept getting rejected by guys I matched with and I just kept thinking, 'what’s wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not funny enough in the app for the guy to ask me out?'
Because I had been single for so long, I started to believe and say that 'I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t pretty enough. I wasn’t thin enough.'
'I’ll never get a boyfriend. I’ll always be single. Nobody wants to date me. Men only want me because they want to have sex.'
The more I believed these lies, the more it impacted my self-esteem and my confidence. And the less confidence I had, the less attractive I was to date.
Once I surrendered my life to God, he showed me all the lies I had been believing and speaking over myself. The more I read the Bible and got to know God, the more God showed me who I was.
God’s word and truth in the Bible started to penetrate my heart and I started to see myself how God saw me.
'You are chosen. You are wonderfully made. You are enough. You are a masterpiece.'
If God called me his masterpiece, I needed to start believing it.
"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." - Ephesians 2:10
As I started to see myself how God saw me, my confidence and self-esteem soared. I knew who I was in Christ and I knew what I was worth. I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone or act or dress a certain way to get a guy to like me.
Whenever the familiar feelings of comparison or rejection would creep in, I would remind myself of God’s truth and I would thank God for how he made me.
I thanked God for my personality, my body and for making me unique. I thanked him for the gifts and passions he had given me.
I would pick a few of my favorite bible verses and I would declare them over myself. I would read and declare Proverbs 31 over my life. 'I am more precious than rubies. I am clothed with strength and dignity. I can laugh without fear of the future.'
"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies." - Proverbs 31:10
"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." - Proverbs 31:25
Psalm 139 is also one of my favorites to declare. 'I am wonderfully and remarkably made. God had a plan for me before he even created me in my mother's womb.'
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!" - Psalm 139:13-17
I don't know how you are currently feeling with your singleness, but just know that you are so loved by God just as you are. You are worthy of his love and you are worthy to be loved by a man for who you are.
The words we speak over our singleness and relationship status in general are also powerful.
Are you choosing faith or are you choosing to curse your singleness by talking negatively over being single?
When I was single before I had a relationship with God, I used to complain about singleness in general.
I used to say things like, 'I’ll never get a boyfriend. I’m always single. Nobody pays attention to single people at church. Single people always get left out.'
Once again, I was cursing my singleness and my complaints weren’t inspiring God to move.
God makes it pretty clear in the Bible that he doesn’t like complainers. Remember the Israelites when God had just freed them from Egypt and then they started complaining in the wilderness?
Every time they complained, there were consequences and it showed their lack of faith in God.
God moves by faith. He moves by gratitude and words of praise and thanksgiving.
Are you choosing to thank God for your singleness or are you constantly complaining that you’re so single and that you’ll never get a boyfriend?
No matter how you feel right now about your singleness, it’s time to start thanking God right where you’re at.
It’s time to start embracing your singleness and it’s time to ask God to show you how you can serve him right where you are as a single woman of faith.
As I talk about in my blog post, God is Still Writing Love Stories, I had prayed and liked my husband for an entire year before he asked me out. When I was praying and asking God for him to ask me out, there was a time I got so frustrated that I almost told God, 'I give up, I’m done, I don’t want to like him anymore.'
But I knew that words are powerful. I couldn’t ignore the desires I still felt in my heart and I didn’t want to speak death over my desires.
Instead of complaining, I kept worshipping God as I waited. I chose to speak God’s word and his promises even when I didn’t feel like it because I knew the words we speak are powerful.
During this season of waiting, God also showed me all the ways he wanted me to serve and build his Kingdom. He showed me all the opportunities I had as a single woman so I learned to embrace those opportunities that he set before me.
God showed me that my singleness had a purpose and it was time I started embracing it.
Instead of complaining about how single you are, start asking God how he wants to use you in this season. Ask God what his purpose is for your singleness and how he wants to use you. Start thanking him for all the opportunities that you have around you as a single woman in Christ.
As you pray over your singleness, remind yourself that you are to praise and thank God in all circumstances.
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
As a Christian and follower of Christ, you can put your faith and trust in God. He is a God of abundance, including an abundance of Godly future husbands and it's time to start believing and declaring what God is capable of.
When I was single, I also realized I had been speaking death over men in general. I had been cursing my future husband before I even had a chance to meet him!
It can be easy to stereotype and make generalizations about guys based on our past experiences. If we’ve gotten hurt before or have dated a certain kind of man, our brain may start to expect the same behavior.
I had gotten used to meeting guys at bars who didn’t love God. And the longer I was single and meeting the same types of guys, the more lies I started to believe because that was my reality.
I believed lies like 'There are no good guys out there. All guys want is sex. All guys cheat.'
Even when I had a relationship with God, I still believed lies about the general male population.
Lies like 'There aren’t enough Godly men out there. All the good men of God are taken.'
But God quickly showed me that I was still believing and speaking death over his men. God showed me that I needed to have more faith and start believing that there were an abundant of Christian men out there for his Godly women.
I even went down for prayer one Sunday to break one of these inner vows that I had been speaking. I repented and broke the lie that there weren’t enough good, Godly men and I declared that there was an abundance of Christian men out there for me and all my fellow sisters in Christ.
Instead of speaking death over men, pray for them and pray specifically for your future husband.
As a woman of faith, you already know that prayer is powerful. As you pray for yourself when you are single, you can also pray for God to move in men and to transform them into the husbands God created them to be.
Praying for your future husband is one of the greatest things you can do right now to support him.
It may seem awkward praying for your future husband when you don’t know who he is, but that doesn’t matter because God knows who he is.
God hears your prayers and you never know how God is already moving in his life, preparing your future husband before you meet.
If you want some ideas on how to pray for your future husband and specific things to pray for, you can join my free, 14-day Attracting Your Future Husband Challenge or download the 5 Prayers for Your Future Husband prayer guide for specific prayers to pray over your future husband.
You have to choose to speak life over yourself, your singleness, and your future husband.
As you trust God with your singleness, pick a few Bible verses or affirmations that resonate with you to declare in the season.
I used to write my favorite bible verses on index cards so I could memorize them and recite them when I needed a reminder of God’s truth.
I challenge you today to ask God to reveal the words that you’ve been speaking in this season. Ask God to identify any lies or negative words that you have been repeating and believing in your mind.
For every lie or false belief that you identify, go to God‘s word in the Bible and replace every lie with God's word and what God really says about you and singleness.
Will you speak life over your singleness and your future husband?
Want more blog posts about Christian singleness or Christian dating? Check out the blog posts below for more encouragement.
Do you want to attract your future husband? Join the free, 14-day prayer challenge and download the prayer guide for specific prayers and bible verses to pray over yourself and your future husband.
Join the FREE Attracting Your Future Husband challenge, a 14-day prayer challenge that will help you pray over yourself & your future husband as you wait on God to bring you together