If you’re a single, Christian woman of faith that has a desire for marriage, you’ve probably been praying to God to bring you your future husband.
As you venture out in the Christian dating scene, you realize that there are more available Christian men out there then you thought.
But if you’ve been in the Christian dating scene long enough, you’ve probably realized that just because a guy says he’s a Christian, doesn’t mean he has a true relationship with God.
There is a big difference between a guy who says he’s a Christian that only spends time with God on Sundays compared to a guy who spends time with God every day.
What is a man of God?
Just so we are clear, a man of God is a man who loves God with all his heart and who obeys his word. A man of God has a personal relationship with God and wants to spends time with him. A man of God is a guy who spends time with God during the week, not just on Sundays.
Why do you need a true man of God?
You are a Proverbs 31 woman and you need a man who also loves God and who will lead you in the relationship.
You know the importance of being equally yoked and finding a guy who is at the same level as you spiritually.
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" - 2 Corinthians 6:14
You are a queen and you know what you deserve in a man. You aren’t going to settle for just anyone. You are trusting God to reveal the Godly warrior he has for you, a true man of God.
You know that you deserve a Godly man who will love and worship God as much as you do.
And you know that God wants you to have a man of God too, not just a guy who will go to church with you to make you happy.
But how can you tell if a guy is a man of God after God’s own heart?
As you embark in the Christian dating scene to find your future husband, it’s important to use discernment and not to be deceived by certain qualities that appear good. These qualities below may seem good but they don’t necessarily mean a guy is a true man of God.
As you pray and seek God’s guidance, trust God to reveal the guy’s true heart and whether he is a true man of God.
Below are 3 Christian Dating myths that don’t always mean a guy is a true man of God.
Reality: Going to Church Isn’t Good Enough
Going to church doesn’t automatically mean the guy is a man of God. Lots of people go to church every Sunday but have no real relationship with God the other days of the week.
Just because a guy goes to church doesn’t mean he reads the Bible or knows what God’s word says.
The cute guy you see in church may not even be saved yet. He may not even have surrendered his life to Jesus yet.
I attended church on and off for almost two years before I surrendered my life to Jesus and was saved and born again as a Christian. When I went all in with God, he filled me with the Holy Spirit and started to transform my life.
Before I surrendered my life to Jesus, even though I was going to church, my life was still a mess. I went to church when I could but I still wasn’t reading the Bible or praying to God.
I still thought it was normal and okay to have sex before marriage because that’s what everyone else was doing around me.
I thought I was making a positive step in the right direction by going to church but I was still getting drunk and hooking up with guys on the weekend.
While I was doing the right thing by going to church and seeking God, I still was not awakened to who God was or who I was. I thought I was a Christian since I believed in Christ, but I was not a true follower of Christ. I was not awakened to the importance of reading the Bible or having an intimate relationship with God. I had no idea what the Bible actually said.
When you meet a guy out and about, asking him if he goes to church is a great question to ask to see if he knows God. But don’t stop there. If he says he goes to church, dig deeper.
The guy that only goes to church on Easter and Christmas with their family? Not good enough for you my friend.
You deserve a guy and a leader who goes to church more than twice a year. Even if he has a six-pack, has a fruitful career, and owns his own home, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make his relationship with God a priority.
If you want some ideas on how to see if he has a true relationship with God, you can read my blog post, Godly Man vs. Good Guy - 15 Ways to Tell If a Guy Is a Godly Man, for questions to ask to help you discern if he is a true man of God.
Reality: Just Believing in God Isn’t Good Enough
Sadly, believing in God doesn’t automatically mean he’s a man of God either.
As it talks about in the Bible, even Satan and demons believe in God and know that Jesus exists.
“You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?” – James 2:19
Anyone can believe in God but it doesn’t mean they follow God and his ways. A man of God will obey and follow God’s ways.
Instead of asking a guy if he believes in God, ask him if he has a relationship with God. Ask him if he loves God. Ask him if he knows Jesus.
if he is a true man of God, he will light up when you ask him these questions. He will understand what you are asking him. He will respect and admire you for asking the right questions.
If you ask these questions and the guy starts to get awkward or just stares at you, he may not be a man of God. He may not know what having a relationship with God even means.
As I talk about in my blog post, Single and Ready to Mingle: How to Be an Ambassador of Christ When Dating, take advantage of this opportunity and invite him to learn more about God.
Even though you aren’t going to date him since he doesn’t have a relationship with God, perhaps God wants you to invite him to church or to plant seeds about the truth of Jesus.
Maybe he’s open and ready to pursue a relationship with God and you were the invitation he needed to get started and experience the love of God.
If he is open to pursuing God, does that mean you can date him?
Not necessarily. Pray and ask God if it’s the right timing to pursue a relationship. While it’s great that this guy is pursuing God, it’s important to give him time to establish his own relationship with God and to make sure he is pursuing God for himself, not just because he wants to date you.
I know relationships that have ended because it turned out that the guy really wasn’t pursuing God for himself and in the end, they were unequally yoked; they were not on the same page spiritually.
But I also know a handful of couples at church that ended up getting married where one of them wasn’t saved initially. The other person invited them to church and they were open to seeking God so they started dating.
You never know where your invitation may lead. Trust God to give you discernment if the guy is where he needs to be spiritually for you to start a relationship.
But if a guy is not open to going to church or pursuing a relationship with God, just believing that God exists is not good enough for a woman of faith like you.
Reality: Knowing God’s Word May Not Be Enough Either
The guy you’re interested in also knows what God’s word says in the Bible. He’s able to recite bible verses and recall the miracles that Jesus performed.
Yes! Finally a guy who actually knows the Bible! He must be a true man of God, right?!
Not so fast. While knowing what God’s word says in the Bible is extremely important, just knowing what it says isn’t good enough.
A true man of God will not only know what God’s word says, but he will obey and live it out. He will meditate on it day and night. He will walk the talk.
“This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to meditate on it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do.” – Joshua 1:8
As we learn in the Bible, the Pharisees knew what God’s word says yet they didn’t accept Jesus as their savior. Following God’s word became a religion instead of a relationship with God.
They chose to follow a bunch of rules and missed out on the most important command from God’s word, to love God and to love others.
And God tells us in the Bible that we can show love for him by obeying his commands.
“If you love me, obey my commandments.” – John 14:15
I grew up going to a Catholic church and now looking back, I was focused more on knowing God’s word than knowing God himself. The focus was on knowing what God’s word said instead of having a relationship with God himself.
The more you hang out and get to know someone, you’ll be able to tell if they actually live out God’s commands in their life. The Bible tells us that you can tell a tree by their fruit. Trust God to give you discernment to discern the type of fruit in their life.
What is the biggest thing to look out for that sets a true man of God apart?
Ask him if he is waiting until marriage to have sex.
Obeying God’s design for sex when you are single is not easy but there are men out there that are obeying God’s word in this area and choosing to walk in purity to honor God.
If you are still learning about God’s design for sex or are struggling to walk in purity, check out my blog post, Why I Chose Not to Have Sex Before Marriage.
Obeying God's design for sex and walking in purity is possible, but it takes an intentional plan to resist temptation and to get rid of the things that are holding you back. If you want to learn how I was able to walk in purity, you can learn more about my story and how I did it here, Pursuing Purity.
So if going to church, believing in God or knowing God’s word aren’t enough to tell if a guy truly is a man of God, how can you tell?
Keep praying and trusting God to reveal the guy’s true character and true heart.
You can also check out blog post, Godly Man vs. Good Guy - 15 Ways to Tell If a Guy Is a Godly Man, for 15 questions to consider as you trust God to reveal whether he is a true man of God.
Join my free, 14-day Attracting Your Future Husband Challenge to learn how to pray for your future husband and how to become the wife he is looking for as you wait on God to bring you together.
Join the FREE Attracting Your Future Husband challenge, a 14-day prayer challenge that will help you pray over yourself & your future husband as you wait on God to bring you together