Why Am I Still Single? Signs You're Not Ready for a RelationshipMay 15, 2021
If you are single and have been praying to God to bring you your future husband, you may have asked God a few times, ‘Why am I single? Where is my future husband?’
I was single for the majority of my twenties and I know what it’s like to cry out to God, asking him these same questions.
There were times where I felt so discouraged that I even started to wonder, ‘What is wrong with me? God, why am I still single? Why doesn’t anyone want to date me?’
As I prayed and waited on God to answer my prayers, he showed me why I was still single and why I wasn’t ready for a relationship. He showed me that there wasn’t anything wrong with me; but there were areas that I needed to work on first before I was ready to date.
In this blog post, we will discuss biblical reasons why you may be single and signs you’re not ready for a relationship.
We will discuss the three main reasons you are single:
- You are not ready for a relationship
- He’s not ready for a relationship
- God’s not ready yet
Yes, that’s right, you may be doing everything right and be ready for a relationship, but your future husband may not be ready yet! We will talk more about how to pray for him specifically and what to do when he’s not ready for a relationship.
Only God knows the reason why you are single, but as you pray and wait on God to answer your prayers for a husband, my hope is that God will reveal the areas you need to work on so you can be ready to date your future husband when you meet him.
Why Am I Single? Reason #1 – You Are Not Ready for a Relationship
After years of wondering why I was still single, God revealed that I wasn’t ready to date for several reasons.
if you aren’t ready for a relationship, why would God bring you your future husband?
I talk about various reasons you may still be single and signs that you’re not ready for a relationship below.
I also want to address a concern some women may have. ‘I’ve never had a boyfriend. How will I be ready for a relationship when I’ve never had a boyfriend?’ Or, ‘What’s wrong with me?’
To the woman who is reading this that has never had a boyfriend, there is nothing wrong with you. God has kept you set apart and has protected you from dating men that don’t deserve you. Maybe God has been protecting you from experiencing hurt and heartbreak that can come from dating the wrong men.
Having a boyfriend does not define who you are. God has already defined you and has chosen you to be set apart for your future husband.
If you’re not sure how to tell if you are ready for a relationship, read the signs below and let God reveal any areas that he wants you to work on.
Why Am I Single? Reason #2 – Your Future Husband Isn’t Ready Yet
Even if you are ready for a relationship, your future husband may not be ready yet.
You may be doing all the right things, trusting in God, but your future husband may not be where he needs to be.
This is why praying for your future husband is so important. He may not even be saved yet! He may not have a relationship with God.
If you want free resources on how to pray for your future husband, you can download this prayer guide, 5 Prayers for Your Future Husband.
You can also join my free, 14-day Attracting Your Future Husband Challenge for daily bible verses, topics, and prayers to pray over yourself and your future husband.
How do you know if he’s not ready for a relationship?
Most of the time, the guy won’t admit he’s not ready for a relationship but you can tell by his actions. If he doesn’t have a relationship with God, if he is still living in the party world of drinking and casual sex, or if he does not treat other women with respect, he is not ready.
If he is still dealing with junk from his past and discovering who he is as a man of God, then he may not be ready for a relationship.
And sometimes, the guy may even explicitly tell you he’s not ready for a relationship. If he says this, then he may not be ready, but he may not also want to date you.
It’s frustrating when guys say this, then you see them going on a date with someone else or end up in a relationship a few months later. Sadly, if you see this happen, the guy may not have had the courage to tell you the truth that he just didn’t want to date you.
Either way, if he says he’s not ready to date you, then don’t try and force it.
Now, the question you may be wondering, if he is not ready for a relationship, should I wait?
Only God can tell you if he’s not the guy for you and that you need to move on, or if you should wait.
If God is telling you that he’s not the one, don’t try and wait around in hopes that the guy will change his mind about you. I’ve done this before and it only causes more pain and heartbreak.
Even if you really like the guy, you have to trust where God is leading you. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 3:5 not to lean on our own understanding but to trust God with our whole heart. Sometimes, our feelings are not aligned with God’s will. And it takes courage and strength to follow God despite what our heart feels.
Lastly, if both you and your future husband are ready for a relationship, there is still a third person to consider in the equation. God.
Why Am I Single? Reason #3 – God’s Not Ready Yet
While you and your future husband may be ready for a relationship, God may not be ready yet.
How is God not ready? Isn’t he always ready for anything?
God’s ways, timing, and plans are bigger than we can imagine, and while it may not make sense to you now, he may be waiting to bring the two of you together in his perfect timing.
““My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT
I’m sure you’ve heard this reason before and you may even be sick of hearing the excuse, ‘it’s just not God’s timing yet.’
God’s plans and timing don’t always make sense to us but we have to remind ourselves that God’s ways are higher than our ways.
Maybe God wants the two of you to start dating and get married during a time where others around you will be inspired to seek a relationship with God. Maybe he wants to bring other people together through your love story.
Even if you think you and your future husband are ready for a relationship, you never know how God wants to use your relationship and love story for his glory.
Reasons Why You Are Single – Signs You’re Not Ready for a Relationship
You Don’t Have a Strong Relationship with God
God showed me that I was single for so long because I didn’t have a relationship with God and I wasn’t giving him my heart. I always grew up believing in God, but I didn’t go to church or spend much time with God.
As I talk about in my book, One Transforming Love, God wanted me to fall in love with him first before I could fall in love with a guy. God showed me that I was destroying my life by choosing not to do things God’s ways.
God wanted to show me that he was my first love, and he wanted me to establish my relationship with him first before I was ready to date.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” – Deuteronomy 6:5 ESV
Loving God is the greatest commandment, yet I was not loving God with my life.
And once I started pursuing God, I understood that I was created to be in a relationship with God. I finally understood why it was so important to spend time with God.
Only God can satisfy the true longing in your heart to be loved and fulfilled. You were created to be in a relationship with God and filled with his Holy Spirit - no man can fill this place in your heart.
Your relationship with God will always be the most important relationship in your life and has the ability to affect every other area of your life.
If you don’t have a strong relationship with God, how can you expect to develop a strong relationship with your future husband?
If you are ready to grow and develop your relationship with God, download my free, Spiritual Goals Worksheet for examples of how you can strengthen your relationship with God.
You Idolize Being in a Relationship More Than Your Relationship With God
Even if you already have a relationship with God, you may be single because God wants to teach you how to put God first above any romantic relationship.
While a desire for marriage is a good thing, God wants to make sure you aren’t idolizing your future husband or marriage above him.
The Bible tells us that God does not want us to have any gods but him; we are to worship God and only God.
“And Jesus answered him, “It is written, “‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.’” – Luke 4:8
But when we make finding a boyfriend or a husband our main goal in life, we are essentially making this an idol and worshipping this instead of God.
If you’ve depended too much on boyfriends in the past, perhaps God wants to show you how to depend on him instead.
Even when you do get married, God should still remain #1 in your life. Your relationship with God should always come first before your relationship with your husband.
Marriage is a gift and is a beautiful relationship that God intended for a husband and a wife, but it should not be your sole goal or priority in life.
You Don’t Know What Love Really Is
You may still be single because your searching for love, but you don’t understand what love really is or what true love looks like.
The world tries to define love, but to truly understand what it means to be loved and to find love, we have to turn to the One that created love.
God shows us what love is through his son, Jesus Christ. God sent his only son, to die on the cross for us, while we were still sinners. God loved us so much that he sacrificed his only son to die on the cross for our sins and extended us grace and forgiveness even when we didn’t deserve it.
“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” – 1 John 3:16-18
God shows us that love is not self-seeking, it’s actually sacrificial when we put others’ needs before our own. And God also tells us to love in actions and in truth – not with words or speech.
Over time, if you end up letting the world define what love is and what love looks like, this distorts what you look for in a partner.
You may think great sex or a strong, physical connection equals love, but this is not the case. Lust or passion does not equal love.
Or you may think that if a guy wants to live together, then he must be in love and ready to get married.
You may think your boyfriend loves you because he has said those three special words every woman longs to hear, ‘I love you’, but if his actions don’t show love, his words mean nothing.
After I started seeking God, he showed me that I had been single for so long because I didn’t understand what love truly was. I was looking for a guy who would love me, but I only found guys who lusted after my body.
Some nights I would cry out to God in tears, ‘God, why doesn’t he love me? Why doesn’t he want to date me?’
And God showed me that the men I had been trying to date were unable to love me because they did not know the love of God. They did not know the love of God, so they were unable to show me love in return.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:7-8
People think they know what love is and how to love, but as they reject the love of God and God himself, they are rejecting true love in return.
When you root yourself in the love of Christ, you'll be able to receive and give love in return.
You Don’t Love Yourself or Know Who You Are
After understanding who God is, establishing your identity as a daughter of God is the key to knowing who you are.
If you don’t love yourself, how will you be able to love another person?
And knowing who you are is so important when it comes to finding a husband. If you don’t know who you are, how will you know what you want or when someone is compatible with you?
To know who you are, you need to spend more time with the One who created you. God. The more you learn about God, the more you’ll learn about who you are as his daughter. And the more you learn about God and how much he loves you, the more you’ll learn to love yourself.
So many people end up in broken relationships or unable to love their partner because they don’t love themselves.
“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” – 1 John 4:16 ESV
The first step in loving yourself is believing how much God loves you. God loves you no matter what you’ve done in the past or how screwed up your life currently is. Nothing can separate you from God’s love, and God created you for a reason.
And you are worthy of love. You are worthy to receive God’s love and you are worthy to be loved by others. You are a masterpiece; a special creation and you deserve to be cherished and loved my friend.
You Aren’t Obeying God’s Commands
Once I started seeking God, I would pray every once in a while for God to give me a boyfriend. But I was still caught up in the party scene. I would go out on weekends, get drunk, sleep around and would still ask God, ‘Why am I single?’
I was doing the right thing by pursuing God and the plans he had for me, but my lifestyle and actions were not in line with God’s will for my life.
God showed me that I was still single because I had been disobeying God’s commands and my lifestyle was not honoring God.
God tells us in the Bible that obeying his commands is the key to prospering and that there are consequences when we disobey his Word.
"Be careful to obey all these things I command you, so that you and your children after you may prosper forever, because you will be doing what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God." - Deuteronomy 12:28
"Like the nations the Lord is about to destroy before you, you will perish if you do not obey the Lord your God." - Deuteronomy 8:20
For most of my twenties, I was trying to meet a guy at a bar, drinking and sleeping around, but God showed me that the party lifestyle was actually preventing me from having a boyfriend.
And God also showed me that I had not been obeying his Word to be equally yoked and to not date nonbelievers or guys that weren’t seeking God.
But once I had a relationship with God, he started showing me how to live for him and how to throw off my old life that wasn’t pleasing to him.
He showed me how to drink less and how to stop hooking up with people. He showed me why it was important to obey his commands and how to commit to purity. And he showed me how to set physical boundaries when dating.
As I talk about in my blog post, surrendering my sex life to God was the hardest decision I had to make. I almost didn’t choose to follow God because I didn’t want to stop having sex.
But once I made the commitment to obey God’s design for sex, God showed me how to walk out and how to pursue purity. And he showed me that he would bring me a guy who was also waiting to have sex until marriage.
You Aren’t the Wife Your Husband Needs You to Be
God showed me that another reason why I had been single for so long was because I was not the woman and wife my future husband needed me to be.
If I hadn’t given my life to God, I would not be married to the man I am today. My husband would not have been attracted to the type of woman I used to be a few years ago.
Before I had a relationship with God, I drank a lot, had casual sex, tried to show off my body and was pursuing the party world.
Meanwhile, my husband was going to church, avoiding the party scene that God had set him free from, and was pursuing the plans God had for him.
When I surrendered my life to Jesus, God started to transform me through the Holy Spirit. This process is known as sanctification – the process where God starts to transform you and make you more like Christ.
But this process does not happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen if you refuse to give up your old lifestyle.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” – Romans 12:2 ESV
We will continue to be transformed to become more like Christ, but we can partner with God in the process as we surrender our old ways to him and study and obey his Word.
Your future husband is praying for a Proverbs 31 wife, and it’s time to surrender all areas of your life so God can transform you into the woman and wife your husband needs you to be.
You Need to Break Off Unhealthy Mindsets or Limiting Beliefs
The transformation process discussed above starts with renewing your mind. In order to change your behaviors and therefore your reality, God wants to renew your mind.
You may be single because of limiting beliefs or unhealthy mindsets you may have about men, yourself, or relationships in general. And you may be single because you’ve been speaking death over yourself and your singleness without even realizing it.
Sadly, due to the world around us and previous experiences in relationships, we can begin to view men and relationships with distorted lenses. We start to view men and relationships with these distorted lenses instead of how God sees them.
Just like what we believe can hold us back, the words we speak over ourselves and our relationship status can be preventing us from experiencing healthy relationships.
When I was single and praying to God for my future husband, God revealed several lies and unhealthy mindsets I was believing to be true about men and relationships.
I used to believe that there weren’t enough single men at church. That all the good ones were taken.
That all guys cheat. That no guy would want to date me because of my past.
But the more I studied God’s Word in the Bible, God revealed the lies I had been believing and showed me how to see men and relationships like he did.
And God showed me that I had been cursing my relationship status without even knowing it. By speaking the false mindsets I had been believing, I was actually speaking death over meeting my future husband.
And we see in the Bible how powerful our beliefs and the words we speak are. We see that our beliefs and what we speak dictate our reality.
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” – Proverbs 23:7 NKJV
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue." - Proverbs 18:21
What you believe to be true, will be your reality.
But if you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you have the mind of Christ.
“But we have the mind of Christ.” – 1 Corinthians 2:16 NIV
It’s time to break off the limiting beliefs or unhealthy mindsets you may have been believing. If your beliefs contradict what God says in the Bible, it’s time to renounce those beliefs and start thinking like Christ.
You Aren’t Healed From Your Past
Past relationships can come with baggage. Even if you did everything right and followed God’s ways, you may have still experienced hurt, trauma, or pain from what someone else did to you.
God is the ultimate healer, and he wants to heal all of your past wounds. He wants you to be healed and fully whole for the future husband he has for you.
Do you want to carry baggage from your past into future relationships? Or do you want to be healed and fully ready to love the future husband God has for you?
God may want you to be healed or set free from your past before entering into a relationship.
God may want you to break off ungodly soul ties from past relationships before you can be ready for your future husband. He may want you to stop talking to men from your past so that he can heal your heart and help you move on.
And God may be urging you to forgive men or others that have hurt you in the past. Even if you’ve been abused, cheated on, or rejected, God calls us to forgive others just like he has forgiven us.
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” – Matthew 6:14-15
God also wants you to be set free from any fear of relationships. Maybe you are afraid to get married based on what happened in your parent’s marriage. Maybe you are afraid of men based on what men have done to you in the past.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
God’s intent is for you to be fully healed and whole. He did not intend for you to stay wounded or to live in fear of relationships.
You Aren’t Being Faithful as a Single Woman
After I had been seeking God and walking in his ways, God showed me that he wanted me to be faithful as a single woman.
He showed me that there were certain activities that he wanted me to pursue when I was single, and how to make the most of my time as a single woman.
God has a purpose for you as a single woman, and he wants you to be faithful with where he is calling you to serve in this season.
Your life doesn’t start once you get married or find a boyfriend; your single life matters and God wants to see if he can trust you to be faithful right where you are before he blesses you with a husband.
“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” – Luke 16:10 NLT
If you can’t be faithful to God as a single woman, how can he trust you to be faithful in marriage with a husband?
There may be specific assignments that God wants you to complete when you are single. There are some assignments that can only be fulfilled by a single woman of God.
For example, God may be calling you to lead a women’s group at church. Or maybe he’s calling you to take on a new position at work or care for a family member that will take up a lot of your time.
Or maybe God wants you to represent Christ as you date and meet other single men who don't know God yet.
God knows that when he brings you a boyfriend and eventually a husband, that some of your time, focus, and energy will be focused on your husband.
If you are single and waiting to meet your future spouse, start asking God how you can be faithful with your singleness.
Here are some questions you can ask God as you wait on your future husband:
What is my purpose as a single woman? How can I serve you in this season? What are you trying to teach me in this season being single? What areas do I need to work on before I am ready to date and eventually become a wife? How can I pray for my future husband?
When you show God you are faithful with what he has given you as a single woman, he will see that you are ready to be faithful as a girlfriend and eventually a wife in marriage.
Your Standards Are Too High
If you’ve taken my 14-day Attracting Your Future Husband prayer challenge, you know about “The List.”
The List is where you write out qualities, attributes, or characteristics you desire in a husband. While it is good to define what you are looking for and what is most important to you, The List can be detrimental if your standards are too high or if you begin to idolize certain qualities.
When making The List, it’s important to identify your non-negotiables. Your deal breakers. Your must-haves. For example, he must love God.
And it’s important to distinguish your must-haves from your preferences, especially when it comes to physical attributes.
Most women will probably say they want a guy who is tall, or at least taller than them, and may even define his hair color, eye color, and skin color.
And some women won’t go out with a guy because “he’s not my type.”
My husband was set on praying for a blond wife with blue eyes for years until God showed him that he was idolizing this type of woman. My husband admitted he didn’t even consider going out with brunettes for the longest time.
If you haven’t noticed, I am a brunette with hazel eyes!
If you’ve made a List, I encourage you to keep your options open. On my List, I wrote that my future husband and I would have passion and chemistry and that he would be into fitness. I never expected to be married to an Asian man, and I’m so glad I didn’t limit what I was looking for by defining certain physical attributes.
Don’t let your standards or ideal qualities prevent you from recognizing your future husband. He may not look like everything you had expected, but God knows what you need.
Don’t focus too much on the packaging while losing sight of what’s inside. And don’t let the ideal qualities on your list distract you from the guy that God wants to bring you.
You Aren’t Stepping out in Faith or Showing God You Trust Him
When we wait on God, we build our faith and trust in God. God moves by our faith, and he wants us to be able to trust him.
If you’ve been single and waiting on God for your future husband for a while now, you’ve probably already heard this. That God is building your faith as you wait. That he is building your endurance by putting your trust in him.
And I know it isn’t easy. As I share how God wrote my love story and how I trusted God with my love life, there were times where I was so frustrated with God when I wasn’t seeing him move. There were times where I would be in tears as I prayed to God, asking him why he wasn’t confirming the desires of my heart.
But through the waiting, God taught me how to rely on him. He taught me how to rely on where he was leading me through my Holy Spirit, and he taught me how to declare and stand on his promises in his Word.
And he taught me how to step out in faith. He taught me how to pray for my future husband and myself as I waited on God to move. He taught me how to be persistent in prayer and to not give up on declaring his Word.
As you wait on God, he may be building your faith and teaching you how to step out in faith to position yourself to meet your future husband.
Just like the Bible tells us, faith without works is dead, and God wants you to step out in faith.
“What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?... In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead…” – James 2:14 & 17 NIV
Are you showing God that you trust him? Do your actions show God that you have faith that he will grant the desires of your heart?
You cannot expect God to drop your future husband on your doorstep. Unless he’s the Amazon delivery guy, it isn’t going to happen.
Meeting people and forming relationships requires you to get out there and position yourself to meet the people God has for you.
When I first started going to church, I was nervous to go to places by myself. I didn’t have any friends in my city yet, but I convinced myself that when I show up, God shows up.
Putting yourself out there and showing up is half the battle. If you never step out and try new things, if you never try and meet new people, how will you meet your future husband and other people that God wants you to do life with?
Are you praying to God for your future husband?
Are you following where God guides you through the Holy Spirit? Or are you trying to take matters into your own hands?
Are you trying to force things by asking the guy out first instead of listening to God’s voice to wait?
Surrendering the waiting season to God is a daily decision. But as you obey where God is leading you, he will unfold your own love story in a way you couldn’t have imagined.
God Knows Why You Are Still Single
Maybe you are not ready for a relationship or your future husband isn’t ready, but I encourage you to pray and ask ‘God yourself why you are single.
In a world that wants to tell you why you’re still single, and no matter how many times you’ve googled the answer to why you are single, it’s time to start asking the right questions to the One that has the answers.
Even though we discussed a few biblical reasons why you may still be single and signs you’re not ready for a relationship, the real person you need to ask is God.
Pray and ask him to reveal why you are still single and how you can be praying for your future husband as you wait.
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